How long have I been in Palm Beach County?

10 Dec

I talked to someone I hadn’t talked to in about 11 years today and she asked that question.

I’ve been in Palm Beach County, FL since 2015 or 2016. Between 2012 and 2015 I was driving here every weekend from Hilton Head to get away for the weekends. I think it was between 2015 and 2016 when I said, I’m just moving everything (business included to Palm Beach County). It was a great decision to move everything and come on my own to Palm Beach County. I always refer to the county because I do business through the whole county and my social life tends to revolve around Palm Beach Island and the activities of the island.

This is probably where I will be the rest of my life. I love it. I’m not leaving. I lived in Florida from 1990 to 1996 previously and it was such a mistake to leave. I have always loved Florida. I will not make that mistake twice.

I bought, gutted and designed my condo here with the perfect view, amenities and the perfect location for me. I made it all specifically for me this time. I love it. Part of me wishes they would quit jacking up the value of my property. That’s the problem with Palm Beach County, if you buy in the right areas, everything goes up.

But I guess it’s getting close to five years now that I’ve been here.

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Trust me, it has nothing to do with politics…

09 Dec

I will ask whomever it is that I need to ask, to get the answers that we need. It has nothing to do with politics. It has to to do answers and whether or not something may actually be a national security issue.

But I’ve already asked the parties that are capable of getting us those answers to investigate.

When you post or message to certain organizations or offices then security would be required to read those messages. Translation – I was deliberately trying to get on their radar in order for them to see what I see.

In light of what’s happened, I am not willing to sit and assume that I am totally correct about what happened in my assessments. I think that no stone should be left uncovered. And when it comes to other people’s safety, you can’t be too cautious.

I do find it troubling that in the NTSB preliminary report on the plane crash, they did not interview or find the only person who made cell phone video of the crash.

That’s my position.

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The feedback on the outfits

08 Dec

The feedback on the outfits was that I should go with the short silver and jacket for the new Hard Rock hotel and that I should choose either the black or green for the Palm Beach Civic Association Party. I am going to that party with Julie (my BFF).

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Dress Options for the Evening at The Hard Rock Guitar Hotel

08 Dec

Ok, feedback please from friends. Here are 3 options of outfits for the evening at Hard Rock’s Guitar Hotel. We are going to see the Chriss Angel show as well (he’s like Harry Houdini). Because this is a Hard Rock Hotel, it calls for a little glitz. My hair and my makeup isn’t done so were not looking at that this evening. We’re looking at the dresses. Yes, I hate the black glove splint, I still have a problem with my hand at the moment but I am hoping by next weekend that will gone.

Here is option number 1. It’s a little silver number and I’ve put a jacket with it.

This is option number 2. I like the slit up the side.

And here is option number 3 which I think is the weakest choice. It’s pretty but not the statement I am looking for…

So what do you think?

The bathing suit for the pool will be the classic Palm Beach look. What I mean by that is that it’s the type of suit Marilyn Monroe would have worn. I’ll accessorize that with a big Palm Beach Straw Hat. I know he likes this look because we went to an art show once and I asked which was his favorite painting. The lady was wearing some thing very similar in the painting. He loved it because it was classic Palm Beach. So the pool attire will be classy.

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Someone should investigate who shot this video…this is for the NTSB and Homeland Security

07 Dec

Normally I wouldn’t go down this road but I just saw the news

Did you notice on the plane crash video of Joe Masessa’s plane that whoever shot the video was Arabic?

Somebody should investigate and find out who shot that video.

Department of Homeland Security – This message is for you and the NTSB.

Joe was not a military pilot but the Mohawk he flew was a military plane with the names of all the fallen soldiers from Vietnam. Someone who didn’t know the story might have thought they were targeting a military pilot.

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Really looking forward to an upcoming date…

07 Dec

I am so impressed that he’s seems to be putting all my favorites into one date.

We’re going to the Guitar Hotel by Hard Rock on December 14th. We’re having drinks and dinner. He ordered a couple’s massage. I’m wondering if that means he wants to move this relationship forward. We’ve actually known each other for a couple of years now. I wouldn’t mind that at all. Ok, so let this advice flow in from friends – how do you tell someone that it’s perfectly fine for them to be less of gentleman? I keep thinking, “But what if he doesn’t think of me that way?” The ball is in his court. I actually don’t consider this my call to make.

We are also spending the day at the fabulous pool at the hotel. So I need to pack a bathing suit, sun hat, and evening gown. My goal tomorrow is to pick out clothes for this and the party in Palm Beach I am going to soon.

Then we are going to show. I am very excited for this show. We are going to see Chriss Angel at Hard Rock . He’s like a Harry Houdini. This is going to be very interesting.

This whole day sounds really fabulous. I am so impressed by the planning and the details. And I always enjoy his company. I am looking forward to this.

I always have to remind myself that I had a boss one time take me to a couple’s massage and that was just business. It turned out to be pretty funny. Half way through the massage J.B. fell asleep and started snoring. I was like, “J.B. wake up your snoring.” I couldn’t stop laughing.

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06 Dec

First the procedure went fine. We could only do 2 vertebra because that’s what insurance is covering. So we think we might be able to get another one in the future to cover more area.

So I went and had the procedure done and of course against my doctor’s wishes, I went to work afterward.

Well then this new group I am working with decides to bust my chops a bit. It turns out, I think they thought I was in my 30s. It’s a nice compliment that people think I look much younger in person. But it’s a little hard if you find them talking down to you because they really don’t understand thew wealth of experience and track record that you have. Please add 20 years of experience to that number. If you read this blog then you know I am the most transparent person about my background you will ever meet. I am 50 not 30. I also have a very interesting background because I like to learn and taken on new things. A little background for those who seem to be having a hard time with it…

When it comes to the name Laura Kerbyson, I pretty much own it. I am the Laura Kerbyson with work experience in Ohio, West Virginia (WVU and a GE Plastics company), South Carolina and Florida. It was pointed out to me today that I did not have an accent so I couldn’t possibly be originally from Ohio. Yes, I am. I was born right outside of Columbus and my undergrad and graduate degrees are from Ohio University. I was also a professor in that state and was awarded the Outstanding College Professor Advancing Information Technology. I was originally charged with creating the degrees for Internet and Web Page Design, Graphic Design, Game and Simulation. In West Virginia, I was in charge of Software Engineering, Game & Simulation, Bachelor of Business Administration with an emphasis in Information Technology, and design and animation courses. Remember that you become a professor in order to become an expert. And you teach because you’re a good communicator and leader. Those skills were all useful when I started my businesses years ago.

At one point or another in my career I have had clients in most of the 50 states. I spent a large amount of time flying all over the place. There is one other lady named Laura Kerbyson who lives in Northern California, is 10 years older than me and makes wine labels. Other than that, the rest of the Internet belongs to me for that name. Other than that, I am not aware of anyone living with this same name. Kerbyson was my married name. I have been divorced over 20 years but I never changed my name. I also had a nice career under my maiden name. I come from a very, very old family in the United States.

I own 2 advertising agencies. I created all those items for clients. No one works on the accounts but me. The first one was started right outside of Hilton Head, SC called Carolina Web Development. The second is in Palm Beach county Florida called Florida Web Development – those companies have made far, far more than just web sites. Clients have included brands such as Lily Pulitzer stores, Arnold Palmer Apparel, Kaufmann de Suisse Jewelers, Hilton Head Navy League. the Hilton Head Chamber of Commerce, real estate developments, medical companies, etc. etc. I sold it. I made it. I deliver it. Companies I have worked for in marketing or computer science include Hard Rock Park, GE Plastics, a hospital in Ohio, Assistant Professor and Department Head of Computer Science for two campuses of West Virginia University, five years at a small college in Ohio and Northeastern University in Boston. I have some very, very nice credentials and I have worked with some very big names. I graduated 4.0 from Graduate School on a full scholarship because I was born with a high IQ. I was put in a gifted program at the age of 12. I finished my undergrad degree in 2.5 years. I finished my graduate degree in two quarters (they technically put my thesis research on paper for quarter 3 but I was already home in Florida). I won the top prize the the country for my research. I come from a very educated family. My stepfather of 38 years had a Ph.D. My brother has a Ph.D., I am well educated, my father was a brilliant electrical engineer, my mother was a financial person. It’s not your normal family. We are all over achievers. Our decent is from England, Ireland and Scotland. It’s just who we are. We don’t have accents except for when I slip into the occasional english pronunciation or Candadian pronunciation of a word because I have worked with a disproportionate amount of people from those countries. But mainly I don’t have an accent because you’ll find that people with a high IQ do not have accents. I’ve just found that to be true through the years.

I went into Computer Science around the age of 25. Between 17 and 25 I had spent my career as a professional writer. At the age of 17 I was covering the governor of Ohio for United Press International. By the time I was 19 I was a GE company in marketing, 3 deep from Jack Welsh. Jack Welsh was the CEO of General Electric. Bob Bedillion was the CEO of Polymerland (GE Plastics). Irene Hudkins was the VP of Marketing and I worked for Irene. I have also written for the Columbus Dispatch and The Miami Herald. I originally started as an obituary writer for a small newspaper where you had to program a mainframe to set the type. In my 20s I made a shift into Computer Science. I had previously studied corporate communications, design and photography. So I spent 9 years as a professor and was assigned to develop curriculum and be a dual chair in computer science and design. My expertise is in the Internet. I was also assigned for 7 years to develop and teach simulation and game design. I did that both in Ohio and for the two campuses of WVU that I was assigned to cover.

So if you go way back in the history, I did some game design early on mostly because I was assigned to teach it.

As a designer, I have done merchandise, software kiosks and engineering, yachts, real estate and theme parks.

My ties to Long Island are that my stepfather’s brother was a 30 year editor at Long Island Newsday. They had no children and he loved me and in high school I would spend summers sitting at the copy desk on Long Island Newsday with the team. And having lunch with the Vice President, who at that time was Stan Asimov, Isaac Asimov’s brother. They made me very welcome and were very gracious at Newsday. Columbia University recruited me but I declined to apply and went to Ohio University instead. My thought was that most CEOs in the United States attended state schools and people with a state school background are more approachable and not as intimidating as Ivy League to people who did not attend Ivy League.

Yes, I’m afraid to tell you that it’s all the same woman and that woman is indeed 50 not 30.

I do not list all of my experience on LinkedIn because no one wants to read a 9 page resume. For the oldest work, there are some writing samples available off of this site that you are currently on. I feel I have been exceeding transparent in my career and if someone doesn’t know, they simply didn’t look me up. Most of it is publicly accessible.

I lived near Miami from 1990-1996 and left after Hurricane Andrew. I returned to Palm Beach about four years ago. I briefly (9 months located one of the agencies in Jacksonville but I really didn’t care for Jacksonville personally) so I moved everything to Palm Beach County and this is where I plan to stay.

Some of my personal interests in life spilled over into professional interests. Those were design, photography, aviation, boating, and golf.

I think my greatest frustration, living in this country is that there are still men, who would look at me and think that I can’t do or make what I make because they think no one could know how to do all that. So let me give you an example that you should watch and that I relate to. It’s the movie, “Hidden Figures” about the the brilliant women with a tremendous skill set that know one would have imagined. I think there are more women like that then men suspect.

In the end, we all want the same thing for our talents to be recognized and respected and not doubted.

Now, as I have friends who are reading this as well, I know several would say, “Go ahead and tell them about the personal. Let them learn…”

In the 20 years I’ve been divorced, I tend to date very successful, smart men. I do not measure my personal success by money but by accomplishment. Everyone is different. But I have found that really smart men tend to be successful (they’ve all been multimillionaires) and they like me because I am intelligent and I’m not boring. And I like smart men. I have lived a very, very interesting life an I can do things that most women they date can not do. Yes, I have dated a number of pilots because of shared interests but not all the men I’ve dated are pilots. The prereq has tended to be business owners so that we have common ground. You will never read about most of this on the Internet. Yes I have some famous friends, and successful friends because birds of a feather tend to flock together. I’m friend with average people too, but yes that circle tends to be achievers. We learn from each other.

In terms of “Why do seem to be so tough at times?” My doctor today actually commented on that matter. I’ve always had discipline. I played 17 sports in school and graduated with straight A’s. In my 20s I had something unfortunate happen to me which resulted in 15 surgeries and a fight for my life. In one of those surgeries, I almost bled to death. I went right to the edge and came back and my personality was forever changed at that point and most of my fear in life vanished. I had to spend some hard years rebuilding my life. People who have been sliced, diced, tortured if you will, become as close to steel as you can get. That’s where it comes from. So it’s not a military background that made me that way although that’s what people often guess.

People often wonder about the hair and eye color. I was born with purple eyes. They changed to blue at 2 and a vibrant green with a blue center at 12. I was born with a slight case of albinism hence the blonde hair and eyes in the early years. I have very white, pale silvery skin. I am also over 86% English blood. Very pale skin.

I actually don’t photograph well because my skin tone and eyes are very different in person. The comment I get the most when people meet me is, “Wow, look at that skin.” And then it’s followed by a comment on the eyes. I was voted “Prettiest Eyes” in a school of 1600. They aren’t as vibrant as they used to be but on a good day, they glow really green but often people mistake me for blue eyes because they change color a bit depending on what I wear.  I wear a lot of aqua.

Translation – I am that white squirrel on a golf course that stands out because they look a little different from everyone else.

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The plan for tonight and tomorrow night…

04 Dec

The plan is to come home and go straight to bed. I have that Spinal Nerve Ablation procedure tomorrow morning. It takes a fair amount out of me so I want to get some sleep tonight. They can’t use anesthesia or numbing medicine so you have to lay still and let them touch your most painful nerves. I become a life sized VooDoo Doll. It takes about an hour.

My hand is doing better. I think it just needs time to heal.

I went out last night with friends but that will not be the plan for the next several days.

If I get a chance to write more later I will but if not, you know the plan.

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Mercy, mercy, mercy…

03 Dec

It’s throbbing and painful. I put a ring that was a size too big on that hand to use as a gauge this morning. By evening I had to take it off because it was too tight from the swelling. Yes, thoughts ran through my mind about whether I did more than just dislocate it. I know it was dislocated, because I put it back in place. My thought is, if it’s not feeling any better in 5 days then I’ll go get an x-ray. But give it 5 days. Meanwhile, it’s swollen and throbbing and pushing my blood pressure up. It’s painful from my fingers to my elbow.

Honestly, it’s really unfortunate that it’s my right hand.

I don’t know why but whatever I did – my whole body hurts only on the right side. Every time I rolled over in my sleep I woke myself up because everything hurts on the right side. Should, back, hip – you name it. Then the evil of all evil happened in the middle of the night. I was already so sore I couldn’t hardly move when I got one of those cursed charlie horses in my calves. It’s really hard to jump out of bed and stand on it when you’re that sore but it’s the only way to relieve a charlie horse. I always know about 30 seconds before it happens that it’s going to happen.

I’m thinking, “No. No. NO. NOT THIS AND NOT NOW.” Wham. Like the devil’s pitch fork right in the leg. I hate those things with a passion.

It was not an enjoyable night. I was worn out and exhausted. I slept 10 hours but not well. I feel like I could have slept 5 more. For that reason, I am taking a hot bath. I’m icing my hand and wrist and I’m going to bed.

I told you this would be a very challenging week for me. It’s living up to my expectations. I never complain in life. But yes, I’m complaining.

I feel like I’ve been beaten with an ugly stick.

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I had to quit…

01 Dec

I was working on restoring those windows and I was almost where I wanted to be on progress when I dislocated my right thumb and injured my wrist.

I knew I had hurt it while I was working, but when I came into wash my hands, my thumb came completely out of the joint. It was loose but I had no idea it was that loose. Have mercy it hurts. It is so swollen and I can’t take anything to reduce the swelling because they said no blood thinners for 7 days prior to the neck procedure. So I thrust it into cold epsom salt loaded water. I splinted it because I have to. It’s too painful to move.

I also knew this is the week I am getting beat up between these projects and my neck procedure.

Next week will be a better week.

But I did make progress and I didn’t get stung by a bee or bitten by a snake. That’s the up side.

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Time to take a 10 minute break this evening…

01 Dec

I’ve worked all day on one master bedroom window facing the golf course. If you’ve been reading the blog you know I’ve wanted to restore these windows because they are made of aircraft aluminum and have a very industrial look. They don’t make windows from this material anymore.

But of all the projects I’ve done in real estate, this is by FAR the HARDEST thing I have ever done. It’s not easy. I love the look the look of the metal when I’m done but it is so much work. I acid cleaned the window from the exterior. Read did all the seals around the window and all the panes. On the inside of the window I am using that polish that we use on airplanes. After I’m done the next steps are to remove the old tint and have my window guy come back and replace some of the part in the window. This window has gotten the most use out of the whole condo and it shows. It needs the most work. But the work we did replacing parts on the glass wall worked out really well.

I was trying to get the hardest parts over before my neck procedure this week.

I have a friend who recognized that I needed a break after this month. A chance to relax. We are going to Hard Rock’s new Guitar Hotel for drinks, dinner, a day at the pool and massage on December 14th. I’m looking forward to this. You’re speaking my language now…I’ve seen photos of the new hotel and it’s beautiful. I can’t wait to see it in person. I really appreciate the invitation for this.

So as I’m working on these windows, I’m thinking, “Just think about that cocktail and a massage…”

Now back to work.

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Check out tonight’s Sunset…

27 Nov


If you’re not in Palm Beach county, this is what you are missing at the moment.

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Today’s visit to the neck doctor…

27 Nov

They put in for an emergency (stat) procedure for my neck for next Thursday and it’s my understanding that remarkably the insurance company approved it today.

This is actually the same procedure we do every year but the decision has been made that it should be done every six months. The issue is a little more complicated than it used to be. For years it was two vertebra on the right side. Then it went to four. The insurance company will only pay for 2 at a time.

Then I was in that Uber that got hit by a car and the left side started to fail. It’s not near as bad as the right side. So technically we now have six places that need it, but we’ll be choosing 2 to work on. This has been the story of my life for many, many years. We do what we have to do to keep it going. But we can only do what the insurance will cover because it is expensive.

In the past they have always made me take the day off of work. WVU even made me stay over in Morgantown in a hotel the first time I had it done years ago. Now I get treatment at the Boca Regional Medical Center. They carry out the same plan that was written years ago.

Now I’m like, “Listen. I’ve been through this I don’t know how many times. I’m going to work after I walk out of here. It will be fine.” Don’t misunderstand, it will hurt like hell, but if I go home all you do is think about it. Work is a distraction. And if it gets bad enough, there’s wine in the office fridge.

I laughed because I told the doctor, “If we all think this is bad now, just wait until after Thanksgiving and this weekend when I’m done with my Windows project that I am working on at home. Then it’s going to be screaming. But I have to do this. I need to finish this project. My mother is coming for Christmas so I need the work zone moved out of the guest room. Jules might be joining us as well. She came for Christmas last year. I need to call her. So yes, Thursday will work for me.”

He hates it when I do all this stuff that is bad for it but it’s all just part of my life. I manage to push through it.

So what do I do after I really do myself in between now and Thursday with that window project? Well since I don’t drink Whiskey, there’s always Gin. He told me no blood thinners. Do you think that counts LOL?

When I got up this morning I threw on an aqua colored linen dress that I used to wear. You could probably grab six or seven inches around the waist right now. I looked at the tag – size 6. I’m definitely not that size anymore. I got on the scale, down 3 more pounds  – 117. My plan before I start working on my project Thanksgiving day is to eat whatever I want. Pie included.

I just said Friday night when I went to dinner, “You know I used to fill this dress out.”

My friend commented that I was losing my figure. I think that statement is a bit true.

I’ll wish you a Happy Thanksgiving now in case I am MIA in my windows project.

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The Redesign of the Four Seasons…

27 Nov

I liked it very much.

I had occasion to have dinner there on Friday. The redesign in Palm Beach is very much my taste with the colors and textures.

Although I like HMF at the The Breakers, I found that it’s easier to hear the other person at The Four Seasons.

That was a nice choice of places to go. I hadn’t seen the redesign.

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Social accounts from scratch…

26 Nov

Have you ever had to build anyone’s social accounts from almost nothing?

It’s not fun but necessary.

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Why is this sign here?

24 Nov

It is here because some people are idiots. What is it? The property management association had to post a no trespassing outside my bedroom window.


Live in a private community with private security and idiots will still find there way in. Enough said.

Although blog followers must think everything in my life is public, there is a whole side to my life that is private. Some things are never mentioned here.

I like to live a fairly simple life in a condo on a lake and golf course. Sometimes I have famous guests but they like their privacy too. But it wasn’t the guest room they had to put the sign under.

While I was out there looking at the sign, I’m making a mental note that those are the next windows I need to rehab. Back to working on those windows is on my Thanksgiving list. Doing projects like this on your own keeps you humble and reminds you what seriously hard work is like. The ones that are done look really good.

They can’t put a lot of landscaping under those windows anymore because the landscaping was creating a drainage problem for the building. Water was draining under the building instead of away from it.

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The Right Engine Failure on the Commanche

24 Nov

I had a friend at dinner last night express what most people do when they read about that right engine failure that happened several years ago that I sometimes write about.

Most people are incorrectly under the assumption that if you lose an engine it shouldn’t be a big deal because there are 2 on a twin engine aircraft.

Let me quote the following source and you will understand, it is a big deal:


Conventional light twins have many significant advantages over their single-engine counterparts. One of the most obvious of these is that should you be unlucky enough to experience a major engine malfunction, the other engine should carry you safely to the nearest suitable airfield. This can be particularly significant when flying over inhospitable terrain or over water – particularly at night or in IMC conditions. However, it is also a well documented fact that should you be unlucky enough to lose an engine in a light twin during the take-off, the margins for error, especially when at higher weights, are very small. Identification of the failed engine needs to be both rapid and accurate and the propeller must be feathered whilst simultaneously keeping the airspeed at the best single engine climb speed, often referred to as “blue line” speed because of such a line often seen on analogue ASIs. Unless the landing gear is fixed, promptly raising can be vital. Then there are ‘housekeeping’ matters such as retracting the flaps at the appropriate time and making adjustments to the engine controls of the operating engine. If these tasks have been performed correctly and in a timely manner, the reward will be at least no loss of altitude and, in favourable circumstances, perhaps even a positive rate of climb. However, there is little room for error and, all too often, a score of less than 100% leads to an accident.”

The right engine failure the second time happened before the takeoff sequence was completed.

In layman’s terms – to survive it requires perfection in response to the emergency. And no panic of course. No margin for error at all.

It’s not as simple as people think

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It is a gorgeous day today…

23 Nov

I am going to head out for a nice long exercise walk because the sun and shinning and it’s beautiful. And then I might go the gym. The guys in the office took everyone out for lunch on Friday and I consumed way too many calories. Then a friend took me to dinner. So now I feel the need to work it off.

I went out with a friend last night who wanted to hear about the crazy month with all the client changes, job changes, personal items, etc. I am normally not so wound up but I’ll be glad to see November go. Period.

I always have a life that is smooth sailing but the the month of November has been the craziest month. I’m done dealing with it all. It’s time for that smooth sailing again.

I called and talk to someone who had reached out to me who was really struggling with that plane crash. After I explained everything, suddenly certain things that had happened in the past made a lot more sense to her. She said she felt a lot better after talking to me so I am glad I could help. I kind of hope it provides a context for other people as well.  I told her, you’ve reflected on it. Now it makes more sense. Now it’s time for you to move on past this stage. Everyone has a different length of time where it takes you to accept reality for what it really was. She didn’t understand CTE so I pointed her in the direction of some resources. I do also recommend the film “Concussion” because it will help her to understand. It almost always resolves with the same ending action. It’s just the disease brought on by the injury.

This is one link that begins to explain it As I recall Dr. Bailes started down the road with Dr. Omalu because during his time as the team physician for the Pittsburg Steelers, 8 players committed suicide and exhibited a wide range of strange behavior and thinking. I think the tipping point that broke his heart the most was the story of Iron Mike. If you watch the film you’ll understand. There are four stages of the disease. A final diagnosis can not made until an autopsy. To get that sample may not even have been possible in this case. He was a doctor and he thought he had it based on previous injuries and ongoing changes in his brain and behavior. I saw some of that as did other people. Now some odd things are making some sense to some people. And he fully understood where this ends up.

I also pointed out that if anyone needed confirmation of what I said, there would be plenty of it in the lawsuit that going on.

So with that, I am done discussing this on the blog. It’s like I told her, “Now you’re going to take the big step and you’re going to move forward for now. Everything will work out and everything will be just fine. You’ll see.”

So now it’s time for me to enjoy that Sunshine today. Have a great day!

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It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write…

22 Nov

I don’t really want to tell people this. I dread doing it. I dread saying the words. I have struggled with this for days and in the end I’ve decided that I need to let go of the secret. I really hope that I’m not making a mistake in writing this. At the end of the investigation, I think I will know. But no matter what, it’s a conversation that will haunt me forever.

This is in regards to Joe Masessa’s plane crash.

I found the whole preliminary report Perhaps you should read it too first before you read on and then I’m going to divulge something I knew which I was very hesitant to discuss.

It’s time to talk about that conversation that keeps haunting me.

In May 2019 Joe was at my home when he told me this was going to happen. And he told me where it would happen and how it would happen. The report is almost verbatim what he said. He told me it would go nose down into the concrete on the runway in Stuart. I said, “You don’t want to do that.” He had looked me straight in the eye when he told me. He didn’t look me straight in the eye when he said, “No, I don’t want to do that.”

My dilemma in understanding this is that in telling me this could happen was coming from either one of two places. Either you were telling me this because you knew something was a risky maneuver and it could go wrong. Or you were telling me this because this is exactly what you planned to do because of what was going on with the injury in your head. And you knew I wouldn’t stop you. I might not want to hear it and I might not want it but in the end if you were suffering that much from something where we knew there was no treatment, the most humane thing I could is let you go. And I may be the only person you ever talked to who fully understood that whole picture. And you knew I wouldn’t tell anybody and I didn’t until I see some people struggling to understand what happened and all the sudden this one conversation and a look I’ll never forget suddenly becomes very relevant.

We can’t undo what’s been done even if it was an accident. You told me this six months before the show. And I’ve struggled with, “Now what’s the right thing to say and do.” I wanted to wait to read the preliminary report. Ideally, I want the final report but that’s 18 month to 2 years away. I was hoping that maybe this could be a right engine failure but I’m sure it’s not. And maybe there’s still some chance that it’s not one of the two scenarios. But my gut tells me to quit analyzing it and listen to what you said. You gave me the answer six months ago.

In reading the report, and I think only another Mohawk pilot could tell me if this conclusion could be wrong – it doesn’t seem like an accident because you never pulled up at the end or attempted – unless somehow you couldn’t. The engines were going full speed. But again, I can’t exactly draw that conclusion 100%. Maybe I can but I find it hard that you told me. You told me six months before and you told me where it would happen. But I know you told me all this because you didn’t want this to come as a surprise and yet it still did.

I can only go back to the look in your eye and without a shadow of a doubt you knew this would happen. I’m just not 100% sure of the intention.  Pilot error or planned? And of the two scenarios, the NTSB probably has to classify it both ways – as pilot error.

For the people who have to read this, please don’t hate me for divulging this conversation. If I were on the end of not knowing this. I would want to know. Believe me, I am so so sorry for your loss. But I hear people looking for answers in other things that were going on and those things may or may not be relevant.

All I know is what was said to me and either way I understand why it was said to me.

It’s a hard, hard thing to know what was the right thing to do. In the end, I decided that it was better just to say it. For better or for worse, for accurate or inaccurate, that conversation happened. It is what it is. Right?

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Keep the information coming…

21 Nov

More than one source has reached out to me and I’m glad you did. And if you are thinking about reaching out to me, please do. I don’t care how insignificant or significant you think something is, please relay it me.

I will know what to do with it. And don’t you worry about Laura, you have no idea. Laura can take care of Laura. Don’t hold anything back.

The NTSB Preliminary Report was released.

It does appear to be in line with some of my observations. The pull to the right that we could not see is important. But the eyewitnesses said the same thing I did, the engines were running and running a full speed.

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Joe Masessa’s Plane Crash

20 Nov

I am writing this post because someone has reached out to me anonymously about Joe’s plane crash.

First, let me say that for anyone who reaches out to me, I will protect your confidence if that is your wishes and nothing you say to me will show up here.

I am writing this because they read my posts about Joe’s plane crash and then reached out. I am wondering if there’s anyone else with information who wants to reach out.

Let me explain some things that cannot be ruled out at this point. It’s not that I’m unemotional about this. A large part of what I do for living is computer science and it’s very analytical and we are puzzle solvers. I’m putting myself in the shoes of the NTSB and things that they would need to consider at this point. This is an investigation that needs to be solved but it will be quite difficult. Some of the items are related to Joe personally and some are related to the aircraft. Nothing can be ruled out at this point.

If anyone, absolutely anyone has an cell phone video of BEFORE the plane hit the dive, it could be very helpful in eliminating certain possibilities.

Let’s talk about the aircraft first. The Mohawk is a twin engine turbo prop plane. Although there were 380 made there are only 16 of them in flying condition left. I do understand and have personal experience with a mechanical problem coming out of no where. I flew on a Twin Commanche twin engine turbo prop for years with someone. We had two right engine failures and I’m lucky to be alive and I know that. We weren’t even out of takeoff completely when the right engine failed the last time. That is really hard to recover from. The mechanics took the whole plane apart REPEATEDLY and could not find the problem. After the second engine failure, I noticed something on the inspection and I made them take the plane apart again. That time, they found what was believed to be the cause. Mechanical problems, or what I call the ghost in the engine, can be very difficult to find on an aging aircraft. So possibility number 1 is that something mechanical happened. I do not have a pilots license through the FAA because I am not eligible because of my neck injury. I cannot pass the medical exam. I’m allowed to fly with another pilot on board.

There was an eyewitness report that the right engine was worked on before takeoff. If we had cell phone video or an eyewitness, we would probably know right now if there was any kind of right engine failture. My instinct is to say no looking at the only piece of video we have. Why? Because the plane pulls very hard to one side. I know how much a right engine failure pulls in a Commanche. With the size and force of the engines on the Mohawk, we would have seen something and all I seem to know right now is that the engines were running at the end. I can hear them. A right engine failure, can get restarted but be too late to correct. So we can’t remove this as a possibility at this time.

The next possibility is pilot error. If he went to far and the angle of the angle of attack breached 90 degrees and he reacted wrong. That could cause it. Why can we not exclude this? Because Joe did have a history with pushing things too far. Crashing the Ferrari at a high rate of speed would be an example. Sometimes pilots end up in emergency situations with the angle of attack and it catches them by surprise and one slight move in the wrong direction could be fatal. Here’s what bothers me about this scenario. The Mohawk was equipped with a special system for warning the pilot of an accelerated stall. It would be very helpful to hear from another Mohawk pilot on this issue. But this cannot be ruled out at this point.

And lastly, what can not be ruled out at this point is Joe’s head injury and the possibility of CTE. Let me explain further. I know some things about CTE because from 2008-2011 I was the Department Head of Computer Science for two campuses of WVU (West Virginia University). I think it was in 2010 I began asking who we had at the medical school who was an expert in Neurology because I had a long term serious neck injury that was getting out of control. Every expert I saw wanted to put a bunch of metal and screws in my neck. I had known far too many people at this point who had that done and ended up in a worse position. And every 7 years or so the screws tended to come loose from the cadaver bone and they had repeat surgeries.

So I was told that Julian Bailes was the Head of Neurology. He had been the team doctor for the Pittsburg Steelers and if he could keep players playing then maybe he could keep me in my career. So I went to see him. Keep in mind this is 2010. When I went to see him, this story was just starting. He starts telling me about his research. That he obtains the brains of the NFL players who have committed suicide and that he and another doctor are analyzing them. He blatantly told me the football helmet was not safe. Rent the movie “Concussion.” It’s the story that starts right about the time I met Julian. They do a good job in the movie explaining what leads to CTE. CTE occurs when the head experiences a fast driving motion forward or blows to the head. With Joe, there’s at least 2, if not more, well documented experiences with this. One was when he crashed the Ferrari at 140 MPH. His brain would have hit the skull with a high rate of force. The second, that I know of, and most damaging was when he was attacked outside of the bar and hit in the head. That is the instance where he began to feel changes in his brain after the attack.

CTE has multiple stages. Disorientation can happen in the first stage. Bad Decisions can happen in the next stage. To make a long story shorter, Suicide is what happens in the final stage. There is no cure or treatment for CTE that I am aware of at this time. Nontheless, I wanted Joe to go to Colorado and see Dr. Bailes. I heard that he had gone to Colorado after leaving WVU. Did I ever see signs of “Bad Decisions?” If I answer that honestly, yes. There were things that were said to me, that now haunt me. Could I eliminate the possibility that because of the CTE what happened might have been premeditated? I can not at this time, eliminate that as a possibility. What was going on inside his head was on a down hill slope and he knew it. Investigators, can not and should not discount this as a medical condition which might have caused the crash. He felt like he had CTE. He was a doctor. He’s the only one with a clue about what was going on inside his head. He was concerned about it. I know all that to be a fact. Did that cause this plane crash? I can not say that. I can only say that it should not be ruled out at this time.

The NTSB will have the difficult task of piecing together the plane. They need any eyewitness or anyone who has any kind of information that might be a clue as to what was going on in this case. If that right engine was worked on, they will obtain the reports. They will also look at the reports of the last annual inspection and history of the plane. They will look at Joe’s flying record and whether there were any citations.

For those of you that speculated about the ejection seat – that plane had the ejection seat removed. Because of the angle of the crash, he couldn’t have deployed it anyways.

The person who reached out to me might know something completely different about what was going on his life and it might shed some light. Could there have been something that is none of the above? I’ve personally known pilots involved in business ventures and they told me if it ever goes south, they’ll take the plane out over the ocean and nose dive it. I’ve heard those words more than once.

But, please, please, please – no one should be hesitant about coming forward. You can be as anonymous as you want. If I look at something and I think the NTSB needs to know about it. I can relay the information directly to the investigators without your identity being known.

I’m going to get a bunch of spam for listing this, but I don’t care.

My personal email addresses are and Please not the last one ends in .net.

This blog is on a very old server and thousands of emails are passed to the domain. I can not possibly read all the emails from the companies. If you sent me something important, and I seem to have missed it, send it again. I can send you back a telephone number if you would rather have a phone conversation.

The end goal is to figure out what happened. It bothers a lot of us and we know. I don’t care what I have to do to facilitate this or what I have to do to figure it out. Just remember, nothing you tell me will end up on this blog. I’m just sharing possibilities that cannot be eliminated at this time until more is known.

Please send me any information that you have that might shed some light.


If you’re not sure about what the angle of attack is you could watch this You Tube video

The Stall Speed is explained here


It was brought to my attention last night that there was an eyewitness who saw the aircraft pull A right engine failure is not out of the question.

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I broke one of my personal records today…

19 Nov

We deployed the server on Friday.

I had a full development day today.

I replaced their entire company web site on a new server, with the new site and I didn’t copy their database. I had it done before I walked out the door at my regular quitting time. That included the animations too.

Yes, I know how to kick ass. That’s why they call me The Kickass Web Mistress. I don’t know anyone who can do it faster than me. When I hit the gas, I am going to fly and fly I did.

Now, I am sure I will redesign my own design to make it stronger but my first pass is better than most people’s 20th pass.

Well I hoping that it earns a little something that we call RESPECT.

But to replace a company’s web site in one day, that is breaking my personal record. It was previously 36 hours.

No outsourcing. No foreign talent. 100% American Made. 100% clean, compliant code.

There it is boys. Read it and weep.

They wouldn’t believe it unless they actually saw it. So boom. There it is.

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The Guitar Hotel…

17 Nov

That’s pretty cool guys.

The roots of that idea come from when we were building Hard Rock Park, the guitar in the center of the park was the world’s largest hollow body Gibson Guitar. At the nightly fireworks show, that guitar had a light show that was driven by computers and timed to the music of the fireworks show.

So basically, Hard Rock took that concept and applied it to a huge building. It’s very cool. I can’t wait to see it in person. It will be on my “stop list” in the next six months. That is some very nice engineering. Well done. When I look at it, I think, “Now that’s what the brand is really about…”

Cool. Sophisticated. Sexy. Iconic. Like no other.

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My Saturday…

16 Nov

It was all the things I usually do. The first thing I do is clean the entire house. I like my life perfect and perfectly clean. I did the laundry, made a nice brunch and sat in the dining room to watch the sun shine on the lake as I drank a cup of my favorite herbal tea – raspberry.

I am having dinner with a friend this evening. I have vowed to get out more on the weekends. I love being home in my little piece of paradise, but I need something other than just work in my life.

On another friend note, Jules is moving permanently from New York to Palm Beach right after Thanksgiving. Which is great because I need her. If you didn’t already figure it out by the photos on the Internet, my best friend was Miss USA and first runner for Miss Universe. We met when I approached her about being one of my models when I was shooting them for high end jewelry. We’ve been besties ever since. Her name is Julie but I call her Jules. She’s like family to me now.

Work is moving forward quite nicely. The server was deployed on Friday and I started into my installs and development and the first draft (minus design touches) of the home page was in place before the end of the day. I work fast. Really fast. I deployed a lead page on social plus posts. You know the usual kind of thing. Everything is moving forward.

The reminder popped up on my phone that tomorrow is my favorite day of the month. I have my monthly massage appointment. I can’t wait.

That’s my Saturday.

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If you want to see all the posts and history…

16 Nov

In relation to yesterday’s post, if you want to read all the story, just Google Laura Kerbyson Fender

You’ll see it all.

You like the car? Just Google Laura Kerbyson Porsche. Notice that Porsche changed to the bigger wheels right after that redesign. That was a redesign project like the yachts, the real estate and the Rolex that I haven’t done anything with yet other than the prototype artwork.

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The Record Breaker…

15 Nov

I don’t know exactly what me think of this but I was thinking last night about the “Mother Load” server that powered those software kiosks that set the Internet record. I got 1.6 Billion in social media reach in 4 days. I pulled out everything I had to make that happen, including one of the biggest, monster servers I could get my hands on. I only rented it for one month. I just basically needed it for four days.

I put a link in the sidebar to the Record Breaker. Here’s the news article that was written about it

If somebody gives me enough money to do it and I want something, I will get it.

I remember they were like, “What is she going to do with all that? That’s a tremendous amount of power behind that…”

“You’ll see.”

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A better day…

15 Nov

Moving forward today. Everyone has their new responsibilities and I dove right into to things that I need to fix. Mostly, all the public facing social accounts need setup and a strategy going and public listings fixed, etc. etc.

As for the server, I didn’t know that they started the 24 hour hold for fraud check. They couldn’t use me to whitelist it because it wasn’t my credit card on the order. So it’s being held for 24 hours. I’ve had that happen at other server companies but not at the one where we placed the order. I understand why they do it. But you know I really wanted to tear into it today, don’t you? I do however appreciate the $600 Laura Kerbyson discount that you gave me. God knows, I’ve ordered enough servers through the years. :)

I am going to get to dinner with a friend Saturday evening and try to forget about work for a while. I’ve got to have some balance restored to my life. There’s been a lot of change the past couple of weeks. I am trying to approach it all constructively.

Even though it’s late, I think I will head to the gym. It means I won’t get to bed before 11 p.m. but I’m going to go anyways.

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There’s never a dull day…

14 Nov

You know that’s the nature of business.

I think some changes were made for the positive today. I am sure there are people who didn’t view that way. As usual, you have no idea what I’m talking about.

Let’s just say that the strategy is changing. I am truly trusting that they mean what they say when they say they trust me and they are behind me. Because they asked how I would fix a whole situation and that was an easy answer for me. I have done this so many times for businesses that I know what needs to be done.

So I started the process. If they let me do what needs to be done, they will see a dramatic difference in numbers in web traffic. I’ve done this so many times for so many different businesses that I don’t doubt what I am saying or recommending. The person who had responsibilities reassigned probably hates me but they will be stronger in the end if they stay and learn from me. I know I have a lot to learn from them. I hope that they will see this as a team effort.

The way I have always viewed my role is that I am here to create something that is turn key. I create lots of things for businesses who are not dependent on me in the end. It’s meant to be that way. If we continue to work together, that’s always fabulous but I like for there to be businesses in my portfolio who first and foremost survive.

So the direction changed very dramatically today but I think everyone will win in the end if they stick with it.

There is some volatility to these relationships. That requires navigation.

But to my backend crew in Arizona. Welcome back to the next company and the next project. It’s time to kick ass boys. Let’s do it. The order has been dropped. I’ll start dev on that server tomorrow. We know what we have to do.

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In 30 years, I’ve never seen this…

12 Nov

I can’t really tell you the specifics about this or who I’m working with but if you know me, there have been very few things in life in which I am afraid.

That is until now. I am working with someone who has the craziest, most terrifying strategy I’ve ever seen. He’s a huge risk taker. But I analyzed his previous numbers and this actually worked. There’s a lot of money involved in this. I have never had a day in my career where I felt absolutely terrified over what we were doing, until now. He’s telling me what to do and I do it, but it’s not without absolute fear.

Never in a million years, would I have thought to come up with this strategy and never in a million years would I have thought that this would work. But when I look at his past performance, it did work but it takes time to get it to work. I don’t even profess to yet fully understand the strategy. But I can see the final result. When some people saw what I did with planning Verve, I heard the same kind of comments but that’s an entirely different animal and project. What was easy for me, looked very complex to someone else.

He has to be the craziest genius I have ever worked with and I thought I had studied and read about many of them. He thinks entirely differently then what you would try to predict. The systems are so complex it’s insane. But from a technical perspective, you have to deeply admire that skill set and that somebody would come up with all this. But I am losing sleep over what we are doing with the strategy because there’s so much money involved and early on, I feel like the floor is going to open up under me but if you look at past history, that happened at this time period in the cycle too. And let’s hope this is a cycle. He knows this particular niche industry better than anyone I’ve met.

But honestly, this has to be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done and you’ve known me to do all kinds of things in my life. I am putting some blind faith into this situation because I can evaluate past performance. Someday, I hope to understand why this would work. I hoping that my contribution to this makes it work better. But seriously, and I mean this, I wasn’t even this afraid the first time I was strapped into a safety harness to shoot aerial photographs from a helicopter before we had drones. Does that tell you how I feel or why I’m having trouble sleeping?

Right now, this is taking a serious leap of faith. But I just keep thinking about those numbers six months down the road, 12 months down the road. He would not be telling me to do this if it didn’t work before. I can see from the numbers, that it did work in the past. We definitely come from different backgrounds where our tool sets are very different. I am learning a lot about his right now. I think it’s in the plan for me to use some of the tools I am accustom to in the near future. But it terms of the wild strategy, that really has nothing to do with tools.

I don’t understand why I never had that kind of fear spending $500 to $750 million on building a park. I felt like I could do a large scale project like Verve in my sleep. I never doubted any of those abilities. Those figures are way higher than what we’re dealing with at the present. I guess it’s just the approach that invokes fear. And I’m stepping out into the unknown. And not quite fully understanding it yet. But this is a wild, wild ride. That’s all I can tell you.

I’ve got to go to the gym at the end of the day because I have to shut this off or I’ll never sleep right again. So I’m hoping if I can make this vague blog post I can just let go of it.

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Obviously, it’s been a difficult week….

10 Nov

I feel like a tragedy got compounded when I had a friend who I always thought would step up to the plate in the event of something really bad happening. Then much to my surprise it was a kind of “this is your stuff to deal with, I don’t have time for this.”

Jules is my best friend and will forever be. She and I talked about the other friend’s reaction. She understands why that friendship is now forever changed. I always thought they were a good friend and then you find out that they are not. Or let me just say that that is not the kind of friend I need.

The same thing kind of happened with my mother. She couldn’t be bothered to leave her dance lesson. Let’s not even go into how self centered this stuff is or how many years of my life I’ve had to deal with this crap.

Anyways, the point is last night it hit me that although the girls in my life a very sympathetic and supportive, they don’t understand anything about aircraft. So I need to reach out to some people who used to be in my life who are pilots. G. and Vance-A-Million.

I lost track of time last night and it might have been close to 1 a.m. when I texted G. and told him what happened. G. lives in another state and probably had no knowledge of the crash. I sent him some links and asked him to show them to Vance and give me some feedback with their opinions. I am pretty sure that Vance was a military pilot before his long career as a commercial pilot.

G. was nice enough to text back that they would look at the footage. I hope they do because I would feel better talking to some pilots about it.

I’m just trying to work through this process. For someone who has such a steady and calm life, it just kind of puts you on a roller coaster of everything that you think and feel. It’s going to take some time to work this out.


Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony in Palm Beach – Jules and I were talking about last year we got together with another friend and the three of us went to the tree lighting ceremony. We decided that we’re going to do it again this year. I said, “I think we should take another photo and compare it to last year’s photo.” It was a fun night last year. We went to the ceremony and then we went out to dinner.

There are certain friends that when we get off the phone I can say, “Love you. Can’t wait to see you.” She’s definitely one of them. The group that we tend to get together with in Palm Beach is a more caring group of people.

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Change of Scene…

09 Nov

I’m going up to the bar at The Breakers for a change of scene this evening.

I talked to Jules and she isn’t coming back from New York until after Thanksgiving.

I worked this morning on cleaning up residual off the sliders. I cleaned everything last night. You know I can’t stand my home not to be perfect. I can’t take it.

I finally went and pick up some groceries and put fuel in the car and that kind of stuff.

It’s been rainy and dreary all day. When I stand in the dining room and look at the lake it is so grey. Not a shred of it’s beautiful blue today.

I’m just feeling like I should get out of cocktail this evening and quit looking at the rain.


Here’s the accessories we talked about.

These stupid shoes ended up being the most comfortable high heels. Since it’s raining tonight, they are the pick of the day. I went and had toes done today. My favorite color.

Go ahead and say it, “Nigel Approved!” Nigel is the statue if you don’t know that.

This is the gold version of the Tiffany’s watch that we talked about. I have in stainless and gold. I’m just not liking my Apple watch.

As for jewelry, I threw on the black Van Cleef Alhambra necklace and earrings. The bracelet is the white mother-of-pearl-version. The symbol is supposed to represent luck and signature. I could use more luck couldn’t I?

That completes the outfit. The dress is just a simple black velvet.

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I think I got my clue…

08 Nov

I am writing everything down here because in 2 years I’ll know for sure if I got my clue.

Remember I asked him to give me a clue, give me something.

So I was watching YouTube videos trying to figure out what could have gone wrong. In the middle of one video there was a diagram explaining how if the Angle of Attack was too much for the weight of the plane, this could cause the plane to dive. And as soon as the words “Angle of Attack” came up on the screen, I got a really high pitch frequency in my left ear. Pilots do communicate through headsets.

In 2 years, the NTSB crash report will be released we’ll see if matches the same message I think I just received.

The Angle of Attack was too sharp for the weight of the plane. He could have been banking in the opposite direction at the time the calculations were no longer on his side. That would cause it. Or if he simply reacted and pulled back, that would cause it. Because it’s a very heavy plane, the dive would be severe.

In watching the videos and comparing them to old videos, I think both engines were running. So the report from one person on the ground that this was a right engine failure did not seem likely to me. Also I had some personal experience with a right engine failure and the plane really pulls to one side. I didn’t see any evidence of this.

I think he may have been trying to tell me that this was pilot error because the Angle of Attack caught him by surprise.

When the report is released in a few years, I’ll come back to the blog and read what I wrote and see if they match.

I personally had a sense that he could hear me and he knew I wanted a clue. I am happy that you would try to answer that. I wonder if you still have ways of reading this blog or is that you just look over my shoulder?

Someday maybe I’ll know the answers to those questions.

As I said, in the meantime, I’ll wait for the NTSB report.

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What can I say, my heart just hurts…

06 Nov

All my mind has done since I became aware of Joe’s plane crash is to flip through every memory and every conversation we ever had. Where we had coffee, where we met for drinks, where we had dinner, what friends were there, flying the plane above the clouds as the sunset over Palm Beach showing me manevers, me standing in the hanger running my hands down the list of names on the Mohawk. What he said to me about how important it was not to forget the names of those missing in action. The Mowhak had this very flat, cold feel to it. It was such a heavy plane. We originally met because I liked to fly and saw a photo of me next to a plane.

I looked back at the text from the hurricane. He was supposed to call me this past weekend when he was back in town. When he was in Myrtle Beach or New Jersey he would read this blog to know what I’ve been up to.

It’s like a constant flood of images I can shut off. I’m very visual almost to the point of a photographic memory. There are a couple of conversations that really haunt me. I can even remember what he was wearing, where he was standing and the look in his eye. He had his hand on the door knob. He was wearing a long sleeve pink shirt and turned to face me and talk about what he absolutely could and couldn’t do in the Mohawk for the routine. Joe moved 100 MPH even with his words and I didn’t catch the first part of the conversation until he said the words, “And I can’t do that because if I do, it creates an accelerated stall. The plane would go down nose first.”

And it haunts me because I’ve played the crash footage backwards and forwards looking for clues but that’s exactly what happened to the plane. It went nose first, like you had no steering. Or did you get disoriented doing the barrel rolls because of what was going on inside your head?

I absolutely have to know what happened. I can’t describe what it’s like not to know and not to have closure. If the situation was reversed and I had gone down, he’d being doing the same thing. I just know it.

At four o’clock in the morning I can’t shut my mind off from it. I am just sick about the whole thing.

I wish that he could talk to me now and tell me what happened. Just give me a clue.

When you know somebody’s deepest, darkest secret and they trust you and you put your life in their hands. I can’t describe what it’s like to watch video footage of that plane slamming into the concrete nose first and watching him lose his life.

No matter how hard the problem in life I’ve always gotten over it. I am such a strong woman. But I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to shake this. I think it will bother me the rest of my days.

I’m just hoping that somehow, some way that someone is going to find some answers.

I went back to work today and I fought to get it out of my head and concentrate. It’s hard, it’s a personal battle because all your mind wants to do is replay images and conversations.

I had friends ask today, “How’s it going with all this?”

This is how it’s going. I’m looking for answers and I’m trying to hang on to every image and memory that I can because that’s all that’s left.

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Joe Masessa, you will be deeply missed

04 Nov

Here’s what I know and what I can tell you.

I’m still processing this but as I am I see people getting things wrong on the Internet.

My friend, air show pilot and doctor Joe Masessa, who owned Mohawk Airshows was killed preparing for the Stuart Airshow. He was flying the Mohawk at the time of the crash. I have flown with Joe and known him for a couple of years. This personally deeply saddens and sickens me.

Although he is originally from New Jersey, he had a condo in West Palm Beach and all four of his planes were stored in a hanger at Palm Beach International Airport. I have flown with him and knew some things about him that perhaps other people do not know.

In the hangar at Palm Beach International airport was the Mohawk which was a recognizance spy plane,  Saudi Arabian Fighter Jet and a Cheyenne. I will be very interested to know what happened to that plane. There are a few other things to consider. The Mohwak was the most difficult of all the planes to fly. The plane had substantial age. I am hoping that this was a mechanical error.

Here’s why I say that. Some time ago, Joe was outside of a bar and briefly spoke to some guy’s girlfriend and the guy hit him hard in the head. There was an ongoing lawsuit between Joe and that party. On more than one occassion Joe and I talked about his concerns with his head. He was noticing “changes.” In being around him and flying with him, I never saw evidence that he had lost control over that. Nonetheless I told him that he should see someone I knew who’s an expert on CTE. Joe also felt like he had the beginnings of CTE.

If this is not mechanical error, then I have completely failed you as your friend by not insisting that you do this now and not this winter. He wanted to go see the expert. It was on his to do list. He was deeply afraid of what this head injury would bring in the future. Disorientation is a stage one symptom of CTE.

The story with the different locations is that he would see patients in New Jersey, Myrtle Beach and West Palm. So he would spend a few weeks here, a few weeks there, etc.

I knew him to be a very, very good pilot. And he was someone that cared. When the hurricane hit, he texted me if I wanted a ride on one of the planes out of Palm Beach. I said “No. I’m staying.” And followed up through the hurricane to make sure everything was ok.

But even very, very good pilots can not overcome catastrophic merchanical problems. And deep in my heart, I hope that was the reason for the crash. these are the crash photos.

This is going to take a while for me to process this and also see if I remember anything else that might be important. I’m just in shock at the moment.

I came home for the day because I just can’t focus. I wanted to see what I could learn about the crash.


There were some pilots on the ground who could see what we couldn’t see before the cell phone videos. I watched the videos including the impact. It’s a hard thing to watch but I’m looking for clues. The only way I’m going to be able to cope with this is to pick it apart and get answers. I need answers.

The pilots on the ground reported this

What that would indicate is that he pushed the envelope too hard with the maneuver and it went into an accelerated stall. He did like to push things hard in the air but what I really want to know is whether a delay in thinking caused the error or was it just too much weight and angle for the aircraft.

As for those of you asking about a heart condition. He did not have a heart condition. He had a head injury from the concussion and he had gout. No heart condition.

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I am totally sick to my stomach…

04 Nov

I just heard the news that one of my friends and am I pilot I have flown with was killed Friday at an airshow.

It deeply saddens me and I feel totally sick to my stomach.

I don’t have the words right now.

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