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We’ll it wasn’t what I wanted to hear…

28 Apr

but I’m not surprised by it.

First let me tell you that I am the most fearless woman that you will ever meet in your life.

Before I go into what this about, let me give you the back story. 20 years I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. They gave me about 4 years. I decided that we were going to go about the treatment my way and I was shooting for living 10 years. 20 years later I’m here telling you the story. I had nine surgeries and refused to do anything related to chemo.

I used to be an executive at a chemical company and I spent many years living in an area with chemical plants.

I knew I had a problem this time before I started going for tests and then test after test has a problem. There are spots on the liver, spots in the stomach, I had a mammogram that wasn’t good, the list goes on. We sent biopsies into pathology from yesterday, it will take a week to come back. Our best case scenario is that all the spots turn out to be pre-cancerous or something like calcium. I’ll be very surprised, actually shocked because it was blood that originally brought me in for all the tests.

I actually had a surgery last fall to remove a tumor that was within 30 days of being cancer. It was the size of golf ball.

But if it turns out that we need to take more action than we’ve already done. the plan will be – no chemo. Cut out everything you can find. I’ll have the same goal as last time. I want 10 more years. And maybe I’ll be lucky and telling you this story again in 20 years. We’re going to do this my way.

I’m not going to sit around and worry about it. That’s not how I live my life. I’m a problem solver. I find a way to solve the problems.

And honestly, I use a lot of humor.

I was telling my mother on the phone how the Uber driver’s GPS was all screwed up on the way to the hospital. He originally stopped in front of the UPS store and told me we’d arrived at my destination. I turned to him and said, “I don’t think they are mailing me in a box today. We’re at the wrong place…”

Previously this year my mother asked me, “What do you want for a funeral, I would have no idea what to do for you. Do you want to be cremated or buried?”

To which my response was, “If I still look young and pretty, you put me on display in coffin. If I look like Hell, you feel free to burn me up. Does that answer your question?”

“Oh and one more thing – I found an Aqua colored metallic coffin. Here’s the link (I sent it to her in an email). They ship within 24 hours. You just tell the funeral home, ‘This is what she wants and it will be here tomorrow.’”

She couldn’t stop laughing. She knows that this is how I deal with this crap. Honestly, I don’t think that day is coming for quite a few years. Don’t underestimate me. I always seem to find a way.

Nonetheless, I’m not a liar and it is what it is and it’s a problem that I will deal with. And if it doesn’t work out in the long run, then I’m ok with that too. And of course we’re down to the vital organs because years ago, if it wasn’t vital – I had it removed. The cat scan was kind of funny, “All you’ve got left is bones and the essentials…”

Yep. “Can you tell I like life simple?”

In the meantime, I’m going golfing this weekend. And I have to say that in the past, when I hit challenging periods in my life, I produced some of the best work I’ve ever made. I just seem to step up to the plate under that kind of pressure.

I told my mother, “You know if I get really sick, I’m going to turn completely wild because I’ll be counting my days…”

“I hate to tell you this but you’re already wild.”

This may be somewhat true but when I’m gone I think the best I can hope for is that people would say, “She was beautiful, she was brilliant and she lived life like no one I’ve ever known. Her work was varied and amazing. And she was completely fearless.”

I like that better than “wild.” But you know I am a true July birthday, and Cancers are known for being “Wild and Creative.” What can I say. I stopped short of the Mark of the Beast when my birthday rang almost three sixes – July 16, 196… wait for it – 9! Saved by the last digit!

“It’s not wild, Mother. It’s wicked.”

So that’s the update. I’ll let you know when it’s a battle I think I can’t win. Let’s move forward people. In the meantime, I’m living life just the way I would otherwise.

Onward…

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