So stressed about it…

13 Mar

I had my makeup professionally done and I thought it was too dark. Tommorow, we are reshooting with me doing the makeup. I am stuck with the eyelashes for five weeks. How ridiculous do I look in fake eyelashes?

Tell me the truth, how ridiculous do I look like this?

I am hoping to be happier with the look tomorrow. It’s so stressful to look in the mirror and not really like the look. Everyone else said I looked beautiful but I didn’t really feel that way. I felt made up.

All of the outfits had to be very, very low cut because the necklace hangs down quite far. The outfits looked good and thanks to the right bra from Victoria’s Secret, the cleavage really worked. I just wish I felt more confident about the face.

Well see how it looks tomorrow when I do it.

I guess I am personally much more comfortable with my “nerd” look…

This is more like the lighting in the store. You see what I mean – the eyebrows are too dark. I am a natural blonde. My natural color is just a little darker than the color I use. Even I don’t darken the eyebrows that much. It’s a little “vampy.” Tomorrow I am doing them lighter.

When a look isn’t perfect it really bothers me.

I was talking to one of our models today and I said, “I’m getting a taste of my own medicine. You guys always complain to me about how you don’t like your makeup. This is a payback.”

I am much, much more comfortable negotiating the deal.

We were attracking quite the crowds outside of the store when everyone saw what was going on. One couple yelled, “Oh, a bride! Congratulations!’ I wanted to cry. I don’t even have a boyfriend much less be a bride. Other people were just mesmerized by what I was wearing. They couldn’t help but stop and stare.

I kept reminding myself all day – “It’s good to go outside of your comfort zone. It’s the only way you will grow is to face your fear.” Computers don’t scare me. Airplanes don’t scare me. Boats don’t scare me. Being in front of a camera as a “model” – that scares me.

Company spokesperson? That never bothered me.

Do I look 48? Am I making a fool out of myself? Seriously????

I am so upset about it I didn’t eat anything today. I just talked to my mother and I told her – “Get online and look at the images and tell me what you REALLY think.” She’ll tell me the truth.

I was even more upset by the bill for doing all this. It’s outrageous what they charged to do my makeup Never again…

I hope I can turn this around tomorrow…I just want the necklace to sell.


My Mother and Lindsey said the same thing, “You are just not used to the look.”

I am going to try to calm the anxiety down for tomorrow. It’s hard because this isn’t my comfort zone but I agree I have to learn.

I have blazing green eyes in person. Particularly¬†when I cry, which is never except for today. Why doesn’t that come across in the photos?


My friends might be right, “You are having a melt down, which you never do. Land that plane, hack that server, bring it home…” Got it. 10 4. Ok, prepair for landing. Right or wrong.

Sell it. I got it.I haven’t had to do this since I showed up in black leather skirt for Hard Rock. It’s just like when the right engine blew and we refused to make an emergency landing on one engine.

The tower kept radioing, “Do you wish to make an emergency landing? You’ve got one engine out.”

“Tower, not at this time.”

“Start you bitch.”

Start. Start. Start.. Third time was a a charm and the engine started and we landed with 2 engines.

All clearned for landing we have two engines running.


To like me as a model you have to like creamy white skin- I am very English and very pale. My skin is almost silver.

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