There’s never an easy way to say this…

16 Mar

I have accepted this and I realize as you read this that you have not. I will try to make it easy as I can.

First let me say that I’ve processed it, dealt with it and I’m fine with it. I am in the stages of heart failure. There are four stages to heart failure – A, B, C, D. Over the past 12 months we went from B to C and we have been treating this as C. Because of recent episodes (which are always at night), I may be crossing into D. My heart does not pump blood properly at night.

No one has been more aware of the situation than me in the past 12 months.

It is a situation that is not curable and it will be the thing that kills me. Our best hope was to slow it down, which I have to say, I don’t think we have managed to do that. We have been through so much medication, it would probably shock you.

Of course the big question is, how long do I reasonably expect to have. We’ll do some tests coming up that might shed some light on that question. A lot would depend am I in C or D? Usually people in D live less than five years. I had an aunt (not genetically related) who probably lived 10 years once she hit the beginning of C and finished at D. Honestly, I don’t think I have 10 years. I’m well aware of what happens at night and the other signs that go with it throughout the day.

I am 51 years old. I had a great grandfather that died at 42 probably of a similar problem. I complained to a doctor when I was in my 30s that I thought I had a heart problem and she refused to investigate it. Even doctors can mistakenly think that you are too young for an issue. I can absolutely tell you that the outside of the package does not match the inside of the package.

With all that said, I plan to have as much fun as I can have on the way out. Make no mistake about it, that is my nature. I want to earn as much money as I can and I want to spend it all. I don’t want people or friends to be shy about getting together. We will make do with whatever time is left. And of course, I am still cautious about COVID. But let’s be honest, the garden variety flu might kill me at this point.

I am in the process of just now starting to formulate things I need to plan for, things I need to take care of and things I didn’t achieve during my life. Now it’s time for you to share in my sense of humor (although I am being serious about this) –

You know one of the things that comes to mind that I never achieved because it was on my “eventual” list is this – I never became a Cougar. I never, in my entire life dated a younger man. Isn’t that surprising? I’ve already told my mother, “And that is going to change NOW! Yes it is!” LOL. And trust me, I’m going to work on the rest of my list that needs to be achieved.

I plan on having all the fun that I can. I don’t want this bad news to come as a surprise to people. I’m not going to worry about it or stress about it and you shouldn’t either. It is what it is and I will make the most of whatever it may be.

Ok? That’s the plan.

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