It’s not easy. I try to make it look easy, but it’s just not.

07 May

I have moments I want to throw up. I have moments where I get dizzy. I have moments where I get a screaming headache. The mood doesn’t control the blood pressure. The blood pressure controls the mood. It can go high and suddenly I am wired and I am fighting it.

The today out of nowhere I feel like my heart is going to pop out of my chest it is beating so fast. So I hook up the reader and now it’s recording irregular heart beat all day.

It’s frustrating when you’re having a hard time getting control over this. It’s not what I’m doing, it’s not what I’m eating that’s causing any of this.

I’m working a full day through all of it. I just keep plowing through. It’s challenging. Our hope is that this is going to level off in a few weeks and it takes a few weeks for the 3 medicines to really work.

And I am anxious to get the IV med out of my veins that they put in because it’s horrifying over what each medicine is actually designed to do. They explained none of this to me when they gave it me. Patients have rights and one of those is a right to know what you injected into me. They threw every right out the window. I have such a distrust for them now. This was not a good experience. They were poor communicators who treated me like I had no rights.

It’s a little difficult for me when I have to celebrate the health care works online and in social media for their work with COVID-19 (I post this stuff all day long for a client) and yet you damn near killed me. And they did not listen to what the patient is saying and it was important.

It’s not an easy thing to let go of when i have to continue to deal with this.

I am looking forward to the day when this calms down. I don’t need this kind of challenge. I hate feeling unsuccessful and I feel unsuccessful at this right now.

I am hoping I feel more successful at a large scale email marketing campaign that I am running for a client for the next month. I spent today building it out.

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