I really thought I was over it…

10 Dec

I was always one of these people who never really had any fear. Even the thing that made me most uncomfortable, I could still face it and do it. In my younger days, I didn’t like heights but I would and could make myself do it. In my 20s I did some climbing at Castle Craigs in California. When I went to Maui I faced the Road to Hanna (which was a half off road on a fierce cliff). I did this in order to get to Charles Lindberg’s grave. When we were building Hard Rock Park, I climbed the Led Zeppelin coaster before the top piece was on in order to photograph it. I use all this photography stuff in making web sites, advertisements, collateral etc,

Then with my businesses, before drones became popular I would do photography for clients from helicopters. That’s how we got aerial photos. They rig a special harness. They take the door off and up we go. So literally, you hang to get those shots. I managed to get to the point where heights made me cautious and I think that’s the right word as opposed to the word “fear.”

I had something happen to me (not related to heights) and I really thought I was over it. I dealt with it and I was back to my usual fearless self. Until I smelled a particular smell today. And then I realized what real fear is. All the energy just goes right out of you and you feel like you can’t move. It’s almost paralyzing.

I really thought I was past this. This kind of screwed up my day. I am now kind of upset with myself because this is just not like me. So I realized that I needed to shift gears and go find something normal and mundane to do and I will come up with a plan for how to deal with this later. So I went grocery shopping. I do not need most of what I bought but here’s the menu:

Monica’s nephew at work fell in love with this asian dish that I make. I actually made it for the entire office. Last week he asked me if I would make it again and bring it in for him. This kid is like 21, doesn’t cook and doesn’t have a mom at home.

I have a party tomorrow night so I won’t be able to make it tomorrow, but here’s what’s in it. I used organic, free range chicken, I use an organic quinoa and brown rice, asian stir fry vegetables and then I made a sauce out of a combination of Sesame and Kung Pao. So that was dish number one that I bought items for…

Dish number two Turkey Meatballs, organic pasta and sauce.

Dish number 3 wild catch garlic Mahi Mahi.

And so the shopping went like this, dish after dish.

And then I picked up things to make cocktails with – my favorites are either Bombay Sapphire Gin with diet tonic or a Chanel No. 6 – which is really Champagne and Black Raspberry Liqueur. It’s a very french drink.

So that was my day, boring run of the mill stuff like errands and paying bills.

I talked to Julie and we made our plan and schedule for going to the party tomorrow. I still have to pick one of the dresses. She also has her own thoughts about the reaction the smell triggers and what kind of plan I need so I am taking her advice under consideration. I’m not sure it would work but I was open to suggestions and she and I are very good friends and she could say anything to me.

So that was my day and I’m really looking forward to getting back to the office tomorrow. It’s another gear and another shift and I have so much to do.

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