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What a spectacular 4th of July…

05 Jul

Friends invited me to The Breakers for lunch, an afternoon at the pool and dinner at HMF.

Look at the spectacular lighting show and photos from today. Who needs fireworks when you have something this beautiful on the beach?

https://youtu.be/TIf4-DooZt0

They loved my new car too. Look where they parked it….that’s their number one spot. How sweet of you…

Then driving home on I95 I saw all the fireworks in the sky. What a fun drive!

Happy 4th of July everyone!

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I bought a luxury sports car…

03 Jul

I bought a Lexus RC 200 Turbo Sport (translation – I bought a Lexus sportscar). It’s Pearl White.

I didn’t want to buy anything too outrageous. It drives so smooth, like a bat out of hell. I actually like it better than the Porsche I had. I think this one will be far more reliable and just a smart yet sexy move and I think I will really enjoy the car.

I may redo the seats in white leather because Lexus does not do a white leather option for the seats but I can do it.

There’s a lot of things on the car that I need to learn how to operate. It has a beautiful sunroof as well.

It was definitely time to get a new car.

I can’t wait to take it up A1A in Palm Beach. I’m going to The Breakers tomorrow for a day at the pool, lunch and dinner with a girlfriend. Maybe I can have her take a few pics.

Life can be short. I need and intend to enjoy it.

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Car Shopping and Weekend Plans…

03 Jul

I am going to look at two cars tomorrow. Sedan or sports car? I’ll just have to see what I think of them. I have to replace my car because of electrical problems. We’ll see if I like either of these options.

My friends, who had planned an international trip, were told they couldn’t go. So they decided to return to Palm Beach for the holiday. Again, they are staying at The Breakers. And again, they’ve extended an invitation for me to join them for a day at The Breakers pool and dinner on the 4th of July.

As you know, I spent the entire last weekend at The Breakers pool. It was very relaxing.

Then Sunday, I believe I have been extended an opportunity to meet someone.

I am extraordinarily careful with everything I do.

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Car shopping…

29 Jun

I am begin to car shop because that $1200 repair that happened 3 weeks ago? They didn’t fix the car. The problem came back after the electrical system depleted the battery again. That’s the fourth battery.

I am out of patience with this car and their inability to fix it.

So I am just now starting to look. This could take a while to figure out what I really want.

If I’m going to pay money for something, I have to like it.

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I feel like Jello…

29 Jun

Different day, different view, different cocktail….My girlfriend and I spent the whole weekend at The Breakers. I am so relaxed I feel like Jello. The ocean always makes me feel that way.

We had such a great time. And like the old saying goes, when one door closes another one opens. And sure enough by the end of the weekend, there are not one, two but three gentlemen who would like a date with me. They are all very attractive options.

Meanwhile, while we were in the pool we made fast friends with this lovely couple from Georgia. I think we’ve convinced them to come and buy a place in Palm Beach and enjoy the life with us. They thought we were fun.

I was so happy to see my favorite bartender Kenya. He’s the best. He and his companion bartender made such a fuss when we arrived at the pool. “The stars are here! Aren’t they beautiful! Look it’s the movie stars!” That instantly makes me laugh because SHE was a star, and they know full well who I am and I wasn’t in the movies. I told them, “But you can throw all the flattery you want my way and I will love every minute of it.” We’ve known this bartender for years. We love all of them.

The Breakers, as you know, has been one of my favorite places over the years. And as I told her, “Look around darling. This is why we live in Palm Beach. Isn’t it beautiful?” We had lunch by the pool again today.

It was such a great weekend.

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What a great day!

28 Jun

I spent the day at The Breakers with friends. The first time I’ve gotten to meet the long term boyfriend. I don’t know what to say. He’s so incredibly kind and generous and I’m very thankful to be included. We had lunch at the pool. Then my best friend and I spent the afternoon in the pool and laying by the ocean, then he treated us to Flagler’s with an invitation to treat us girls for brunch in the morning.

We had such a good time and yet another great memory in our now years worth of memories together. I really like this guy for her. It was so sweet of him to include me and invite me back for brunch.

While we were at the pool, she asked about what happened with the boyfriend of mine (who is now no more). I told them what he said and what he texted. They were so angry and so outraged, they said, “No matter what he tries to pull in the future, you are not to go out with him. We’ve known you for years, what a pack of lies and how tasteless and classless. He’s just a user and an ass. No one says that kind of stuff to people , nor in the manner in which it happened. It isn’t even true about you.” They have vowed to find me someone and they encouraged me not to delay in that process. “Replace him as soon as possible. The guy did not deserve you.” They were incredibly angry.

I am grateful for my friends and the love that they have shown me today. I’d say they are working on putting that lost weight back on me as well.

I am looking forward to brunch at The Breakers tomorrow and another day at the pool. Another great memory for us.

We are blessed and grateful today.

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I don’t know what to make of it…

27 Jun

It’s such an odd twist of fate.

In one day, the opposite scenarios occurred:

I carry nothing but love in my heart for people that I deal with in business or personal. If someone is too evil to the core, they wouldn’t be a part of my life at some point.

In business I had a very long term relationship with someone. But when their business got to be stressful, anyone who was near that person would get blamed and the verbal lashings were fierce and no one in their life was spared. I tried endlessly to have love and patience with the situation recognizing that there was someone under mental duress that needed help and compassion when others wouldn’t give it. Eventually, I had to walk away from the situation, the same as everyone else had done in all the time before me.

I am never the type of person who would retaliate or lose someone’s trust, not even the person who hurt me the most. Yet, they incorrectly made that assumption and make decisions and changes that cost their business. It had been almost a year without a conversation, but I received a phone call with an apology and again asking for my help in a difficult situation. Which of course I did and of course I did not charge money because at this point they’ve been through enough irregardless of what brought it on. It is not in me to turn away someone who desperately needs my help. I wish I had been able to solve all the problems presented. I could not. Had they left some things in place that I did, I could have solved a few instantly. Trust. It’s all about trust and if people don’t trust me, even when I take on other projects, in the end it dings them and not me and then I can’t help because it’s out of my hands. The key is to not lose that trust in me. I’ve never given anyone a reason not to not trust me. And in the end, they realize it, unfortunately the hard way.

On the same day, on the personal side, someone tries to end a relationship. None of those problems really existed. It’s almost unfathomable how someone could take a few simple words and try to create a mountain out of molehill and I think it’s debateable whether it’s a molehill. Surely, there is something else going on here that I am not privy to. I can really only assume that it is yet again a stressful situation that may be causing their perceptions to be so far off. It’s a thing, a person, an event or something going on inside their head that doesn’t mesh with reality. But the bottom line is there is really nothing I can do after I’ve tried to explain that to them. Someday, I think they will look back on that and regret their assumptions. And they are assumptions, not fact.

It’s an odd twist of fate that they both happen in the same day.

It can be hard, when people don’t even stop to think about all the things I have to deal with in a day. I try to deal with these things as patiently as I can and with as much love as I can find. And that’s the best I can do. It’s just a shame sometimes that people don’t understand my value until I am gone.

I am looking forward to time with some friends this weekend in Palm Beach. Hopefully, we will have a nice time celebrating the positives in life.

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Friends via Friends

24 Jun

Have you ever had a really good friend that you talk to all the time and they have been dating someone and you’ve heard so much about that person that you feel like you know them? Like they are practically family?

Well that went both ways. He had heard so much about me over the years from her that he finally said, “I want to meet this Laura you talk about all the time.”

So after all these years, we’re finally all 3 going to sit down to dinner this weekend at one of my favorite restaurants.

I’ve looked forward to meeting this person for a very long time because he is special to my friend. And there is something unusually impressive about him. I believe what I was told is that he is the largest stockholder of Apple stock. That’s impressive.

But all I really care about is whether her happy. She is a very special person in my life.

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Fashion Show – Clothes That Fit

21 Jun

So what do you think? Friends are taking me to Flagler’s Steak House next weekend and to the Breakers pool. I also think I am having another dinner out next week. I am going with my best friend and her boyfriend.

What’s the verdict on these looks?

Laura Kerbyson

Laura Kerbyson

Laura Kerbyson

Laura Kerbyson

Laura Kerbyson

Laura KerbysonLaura Kerbyson

Laura KerbysonLaura Kerbyson

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How do I look at 110 lbs?

20 Jun

Photo appended below – no glasses.

Obviously because of the pandemic, I haven’t been able to get together with my friends. They were wondering, “How does she look at 110 lbs?”

I wasn’t trying to lose any weight. For better or worse, my body seems to have reset itself back to the way it was a long time ago. We are working to try to resolve the issue with my heart but it’s had an obvious impact on me.

I took a closeup so you can see changes to the face and then I took a shot at distance. I put on a tank top and yoga pants so you can actually see. Even the yoga pants are too big now.

Laura Kerbyson June 6, 2020 age 50

Laura Kerbyson

I know what Julie would say. “Take your glasses off. Let me see.” Here it is. I like to hide behind those glasses you know.

Laura Kerbyson without glasses

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One step forward and two steps backwards…

19 Jun

I honestly do not feel that great this week as some of you know.

I had one appointment that I need to have out of 3. We know that the issue causing my heart rate to drop very low is not due to the thyroid or Grave’s Disease or anything like that. It’s a problem with my heart. It would seem to not be regulating itself. And guess what? More tests.

And anyone that has had Bradycardia can’t take one of the BP medicine I was put on recently. So we dropped that one. They added a new one I start on tomorrow and for a week that BP will go high because it takes over 5 days for this medicine to work. So all the work we did to get it under control is about to temporarily unravel.

Then at the end of the month I go see the heart specialist. I was correct. The two problems are not related at all and when you look at the recordings you can see it.

I am looking forward to getting some extra sleep on Saturday. This is making me very tired.

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No clothes…

17 Jun

I literally don’t have clothes that fit now.

It’s been a long, hard couple of months and the scales are now registering at 110 lbs.

The last time I weighed 110 lbs I was 22 years old.

I had kept a bunch of really nice clothes in small sizes for years and then finally gave them all away because I thought, “I will never be this size again.” Ok, so that was a mistake.

So now nothing fits from the closet.

If I get a chance this weekend I’ll snap a recent pic. Easily, the pics you see of me on the Internet are 15-20 lbs more than what I weigh now. I’m actually wondering at what weight is it going to stop? I don’t know. I also wonder if it will ever go back to the way it was before.

Right now, I am wearing Yoga clothes every day.

What did I weigh in the Porsche photos? 125 lbs. So take 15 lbs off of that if you can imagine. Standing in front of that plane? 120-125 lbs. When I worked at Hard Rock in my 30s? 115-122 – somewhere in that range.

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Journal Entry for Reference 6-16-2020

16 Jun

If we can’t figure this out, I’m not going to make it.

History and notes for troubleshooting:

I was in the hospital April 26-28 for what started as a blood pressure problem.

At 3 a.m. in the morning, the heart dropped dramatically and quit pumping enough blood.

Same pattern occurred today. I am now sure the BP and heart issue are separate issues. BP is regulated by four meds. At 5:44 I got the same feeling as before. I started to feel like I’m going to pass out and my heart dropped to 40 into Bradycardia. I called the after hours doctor. They said this should not be happening. Go to the ER. I’m trying not to do that after what happened last time. Obvious from discussion with doctor that I need a Cardiologist to figure out why this keeps happening and what is really the problem. Those are not your ER doctors.

Got up and moved around. Went for walk to try to get the rate up and the blood back to my hands and feet. After walk, I have huge headache again. BP reading shows 140/80 and the device detects Irregular heartbeat again. I still do not feel well even after the walk. But the EKG shows it’s out of Bradycardia.

There is something not functioning correctly that causes my heart to do this. Obviously, my concern is that this happens in the middle of the night and I don’t come out of it. When it started during the day, I thought it might get to the point of 2 seconds and your out, like last time.

After recording all these readings since April 26, I am absolutely sure that the BP and the heart are issues that are independent of one another when you analyze the numbers that are recorded onto my phone.

This is a point of reference to be brought up onto the phone if we end up in an emergency situation again.

My plan is to see a heart specialist to investigate further and to remain outside of the ER unless I am sure I can’t. This thing is so inconsistent and it’s not predictable when it comes to the heart issue. We have to keep digging to find the answer to why this is happening. You can’t remain conscious and ultimately can’t survive when your heart stops pumping blood. This has to get solved. Tomorrow the request for a new doctor will be submitted for a heart specialist.

——————–

What did I do all day? I worked on the computer. The problem came at 5:44.

Daily medications were same dose they have been for past 20 years. BP meds remain the same as started the first week of May. Note, remember original problem happened before BP meds. This problem has occurred before and after the regulation of the BP. Conclusion, problem is not related to medication.

————————————————-

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I’ve just been so busy…

16 Jun

I don’t know how many times I’ve had to say, “I’m sorry I haven’t called lately. I have just been so crazy busy….”

But it’s true. I’ve had very little time to get back to this blog. There is a certain section of my life that I am trying to keep a little private right now and I’m devoting time to it.

I’ve also got a boat load of work at work as usual and it keeps me busy.

It’s challenging to even have “me” time. I’ve been given orders to do more relaxing and it’s actually hard to find the time to do what I should be doing.

And I absolutely have to make a concerted effort on it, I know. This is not optional. Find ways to relax. It should be in the forefront of my head every day.

I’ll work on it.

Sorry I haven’t written. Too much going on right now. I’ll try to be better.

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Spending the weekend with N.

12 Jun

This might be the last weekend we have before he has to go back up North. He does own other office properties in other states.

He’s only going to be back 2 weeks this Summer. That’s all the chance I will have to see him. I hate it, but it has to happen.

That’s the problem with being in separate states. It’s hard.

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It’s shocking but not shocking…

10 Jun

I’m not trying to lose weight but my metabolism is just in overdrive.

I got on the scales today and I now weigh 111 lbs.

I used to weigh stuff like that in my 30s, early 40s and 20s. It seems to be going back to where it used to be whether I decide it should or not.

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Trying to get my numbers back in line…

09 Jun

The alarms went off, starting yesterday, and now I have the challenge of trying to figure out how to get the numbers back in line and where they should be.

I wish it were an instant process but it’s not.

You can’t program a human like you can a computer.

I am reinitiating the process for de-stressing.

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A day I did not need…

08 Jun

Usually when someone works with me, they pay enough attention to know that I don’t let things slip through the cracks. I’m as detailed oriented as it gets. That’s why I graduated 4.0 in my Master’s. I pay attention. I listen. I take notes. I communicate. Usually, they really appreciate the skill set and they don’t get greedy particularly when they were given a price break.

I recently asked a group of people, “Please do not stress me out for no reason. It’s unproductive.”

Then this morning I was chewed out over “items that were not done.” However, they were done. And I had issued written reports outlining all of that. No one read them but they felt they had a right to chew me out anyway.

I would say they don’t give a damn about anyone but themselves. And I had looked out for them. I find it particularly offensive because of poor planning on their part, last Thursday I worked from 9 a.m. to 11 p.m. to help them out. And this is what I get for gratitude? I will never do that again.

It made me very sorry that I passed up two opportunities last week by saying that I wasn’t interested. I think that was a huge mistake on my part. I should have listened and given them more consideration. Consider it a lesson learned.

I don’t need to be in a situation where people are causing me stress for no good reason.

The good news of the day was that I found out that my former clients did close their shop on Worth but there are plans to move somewhere else when this is over with. The landlord of the building got greedy and actually tried to raise the rent in the middle of this fiasco so they finally said, “enough.” Good for them. That landlord has had problems with getting greedy with the businesses on Worth Avenue. I think it would be sad to discover that that could be the reason why so many had to vacate during this time. Haven’t the merchants had enough between COVID and protests? When is someone going to give them a break? What did they do to deserve what they have to deal with?

I feel very badly for them.

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Even though it rained, it was another fabulous weekend…

08 Jun

The weekends have been so good, it’s getting to the point where I hate to see Monday morning roll around because that means the end of the weekend.

We had another dinner at my house Friday night and then on Saturday we went to Cafe Bouloud at the Brazilian Court Hotel in Palm Beach.

It’s only taken us 3 years and Pandemic to actually make this relationship happen…

Oh, but it’s so sweet and so good.

I think it was literally, about 3 years ago on one of our first dates we went to Cafe Bouloud. As we were sitting there Saturday evening, I could remember everything about that early date 3 years ago. I remember what I wore. I remember where we sat. I remember what I ate. I remember the lovely couple we talked to when we were leaving and what we said.

And wow, how things are different now. My clients then were a high end jewelry store on Worth and we were doing well. I am working on a different project now. This week, after 26 years in that location on Worth and 76 years in business, the lettering was pulled off the building. Three years ago, N. was still traveling around the world and barely in town.

I never thought I might be grateful for a Pandemic, but it required him to be stuck in Palm Beach county for a while and just a few doors away from me. Just add another disaster on to that (my brief hospital stay for a few days) and so what started as something casual 3 years ago suddenly had so much more meaning for both of us. And we finally managed to go from an occasional date into a real relationship and find something that’s worth trying to hold onto.

Sometimes blessings arrive in a way you don’t expect. And we certainly never expected the world to look like this right now.

I wore the black gown that I wore in Paris last summer. I’ve always loved that dress. It’s so elegant and classy. I was surprised that I could actually wear it. That it wasn’t too big. I am now 114 pounds as my metabolism seems to be in overdrive again. All the places he’s taken me are very, very nice. But honestly, it’s not about where he takes me, I just want to see him. It kind of doesn’t matter what we’re doing. I’m just as happy, when we don’t leave my house all weekend.

Today, I got to go to one of his office buildings and look at space where I’ve helped him pick out some furniture that’s arriving. I enjoy that kind of time together too. As I also did grabbing a coffee and walking the local shops (we did so safely). Even though it was pouring rain, I didn’t really care.

It’s his time that I value most. He’s so concerned about my health and my safety and where and how he takes me somewhere. I feel like it’s very genuine. It’s the kind of caring that’s not manufactured or fake. It’s authentic and very endearing. It’s also the mark of some very fine character.

If I stir at 2 a.m., he notices and he reaches over. That constant soft touch is a very special thing.

My friends are all wondering why I haven’t had time to call them. Now you know.

I am trying to enjoy every minute of this.

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The most unscrupulous bunch of jerks I’ve ever dealt with…

03 Jun

In all the years I’ve run the blog, I’ve never said, “Do not do business with….” But seriously and particularly if you’re a woman, do not do business with Gunther Volkswagen of Delray Beach.

These guys were just jerks. They totally reneged on what they agreed to do and this story is so not nice.

I had a car that broke down. After going through 3 batteries in six months, I knew it wasn’t it the battery. So I needed to have AAA tow the car somewhere. I’m not allowed to ride in an Uber because as you know I was recently in the hospital and that’s considered too risky for me. I believe the terminology is I have a condition “where you are considered compromised and need to limit your exposure.” No Ubers.

So I called the dealership where I’ve had my car serviced and asked them if I had AAA tow it, could they deliver the car back to me because I can’t take an Uber to the dealership to pick it up. I explained the whole thing. No problem they said. Then the employee said, “But we can’t take your car without a credit card on file.” So I gave her my card number.

After having the car for days, they called this morning to tell me it’s done. I said, “Great the cards on file, go ahead and charge it and deliver the car back.” The Service Manager agreed that they had agreed to bring the car back but then he says, “No one was authorized to take your credit card number because we don’t take cards over the phone. ” Great, so that means one of their employees just stole the number. I asked him to look into it. He wouldn’t do it. He took no responsibility for the employees of the dealership.

So then I asked, “How do you want me to pay for the car?” He sends an email with an upside down scanned paper form. I’m like, “You’ve got to be kidding, no one sends credit card numbers through email. That’s not secure.”

I don’t see why he couldn’t print out he form and bring it with him with the car and I would fill out and sign the form when the car arrived.

He refused to do any of the above and then he refused to give the car back. So basically they stole the car.

The police department says it’s not stolen until it’s paid for so they suggest that I send a friend with my credit card to pay for the car and move it off of their lot on onto their lot outside of the gate. Then we can go back at night and get the car. If the dealership refuses to release the car after it’s been paid for then it becomes another matter. I asked him to at least send me a form that was not upside down. He wouldn’t even do it.

I work during the day and I have a ridiculous deadline on a project right now (that’s a whole separate story). I don’t finish until after 6 p.m. The dealership decides it closes at 5:30 now. Meanwhile, I have a doctors appointment Thursday morning and no car.

These guys are jerks and they are wrong on so many levels. I will NEVER, EVER do business with this dealership again or anything that is owned by Joe Gunther because his employees have acted in such an unscrupulous manner and don’t give a damn. Now they have refused to deliver the car at all. I asked to speak to him. Do you think the people who screwed this up wanting me talking to him. No. I’m quite sure he’ll never call me. You need to fire them all.

All I want, is to pay for my car and get my car back. I don’t need this kind of stress and aggravation from a bunch of low lifes. And if you’re a woman or a potential customer, you should run as far as way and as fast as possible from this dealership. They will not do what they promised to do. I agreed to pay that outrageous sum of money to fix the car because I thought the car was being delivered back to me. There’s another dealer in West Palm and I’ve been a customer of theirs before and they will now be getting my business.

The repair on the car was $1200.

What a poor representation of someone’s brand. I seriously hope your bad Karma comes back to get you.

But I am serious about please do not do business with any Gunther dealership.

Honestly, this is why Visa has fraud cases and they should terminate the merchant agreement with anyone who tries to accept credit card payments in an unsecure way and who will not investigate their own employees who try to take a credit card number for purposes of theft. We should we as the consumers, pay for this garbage? I setup credit card processing all the time for clients. It’s not expensive. Your average cookie shop can afford it let alone a car dealer.

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Another fabulous weekend…

01 Jun

I made a nice dinner and served it in the dinning room on Friday evening. Candles and wine and it was a very lovely evening.

Then Saturday N. and I went to Vero Beach because Space X was launching the rocket.

We went to a hotel that is owned by Gloria Estefan.

Of course we wore masks and I had my little white gloves and a straw sun hat. But the table we had had a terrific view and there were no tables next to either the left or right of us. The closest person was over 30 feet away.

When we walked around Vero Beach, one lady commented that I was the epitome of Southern Charm. Everyone has thought the white gloves are a great idea because like the masks they are washable. I keep 10 pairs around.

Then we came back and had dinner at a cute little French restaurant where we had the entire restaurant to ourselves. The owner wore a mask, as did I. When she walked away, I could take the mask down and N. and I had a very lovely evening.

He’s reminded me I need to master Stress Management 101. So here’s how I spent my Sunday. He approved of that choice.

I can remember after Joe died, N. tried to talk me out of ever flying a plane again. And I don’t know that I will ever see the inside of a cockpit again.

But when you’re born the second the launched the rocket to the Moon, you are destined to be fascinated with things that fly and there is no greater freedom than to be above the clouds.

But for now, we watch someone else fly.

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Excited about today…

30 May

I am going to Vero Beach with N. to watch the Space X launch. This one is a historic launch.

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I’ve discovered I’m like a high performance sports car…

27 May

I have figured out it’s my speed that controls the blood pressure. My brain thinks far faster than most people.

I had to make a web site in one day today. I did it. But then the blood pressure (on two medications) shot to 161/103 after it was normal and has been doing pretty well.

I’m like a sports car. If you want to go fast, she can go fast, but the engine runs hot.

It’s my speed that controls the BP. I’ve always had tremendous speed.

Remember we found nothing else – no blockage no nothing. Nothing wrong with my diet or exercise.

It’s my brain activity that triggers this.

Mmm.

I took the third medication. That’s the one we use when it goes “hot.”

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A former client didn’t make it through this…

25 May

One of my former clients who was in business for 76 years appears to have not made it through this crisis.

I had ocassion to walk down Worth Avenue at night and the store was completely torn up and empty.

I haven’t worked with them in 8 months but it looks like things derailed before the crisis. When I got home I had a look. Among the many things I made for them, the expensive web site had been worked on by someone who’s not at my level and they broke the style sheets and made a mess out of the front. The client had completely lost their rank with Google compared to holding many pages of rank during the 3 years I worked on the site. I put the previous site in place.

It is sad to see a business that has operated for 76 years go under. They were a fixture in Palm Beach.

I am sorry to see all the merchants who have suffered on Worth Avenue and not made it through this time. My thoughts are with you.

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There’s not going to be much to say this week…

20 May

I have a frustrating situation to deal with in regards to work this week and I’d rather just have no comment.

If I’m not happy, I usually don’t say much.

It’s just a reality that you can’t control certain factors and people and sometimes people or situations have the ability to just screw up your work.

Patience is a virtue and I have a lot of it but I wonder if I didn’t give too much of it.

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It was such a great weekend…

18 May

Nick came and stayed again with me this weekend. He’s really brining my blood pressure down. I had five normal readings today.

He makes me stay in bed a lot longer than I usually do on the weekends. And I’m not complaining. I’m getting enough rest and relaxation and I’m not used to all that attention but it’s very, very nice. I can’t even begin to put into words how I feel about him after everything he’s done. There are not many men who would do what he’s done. Most would run the other way. He is very special, there’s no doubt about that.

I actually got to get out of the house this weekend because we took his convertible up A1A to Palm Beach and walked Worth Avenue to find out what happened to the merchants. I’m sorry to see so many closures but you can understand how it happened.

The drive, the fresh air and the company was incredibly relaxing.

I went for a very long exercising walk tonight and I plan to swim tomorrow night.

Life is getting better and I am trying to savor every moment of everything that is sweet right now.

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The picture that really changed everything…

14 May

My body has lost the ability to regulate it’s own blood pressure. I swing very, very high to low – like a ping pong ball. It happens without cause, without reason and without warning.

I had a really bad headache and I knew my blood pressure was high because a nurse had taken it. I was starting to get some angina.

Nick lives in my neighborhood and we often run into one another when I walk and he’s out walking. We used to go out. I think the world of him. I always have. But he owns businesses in other states and he taken another woman out and I found out and told him that I don’t date men who are dating other women. I knew he traveled the world a lot but the thought of another woman hadn’t entered my mind until then. We had had a lot of extraordinary dates and a lot of fun. The Breakers, The Four Seasons, The Hard Rock Hotel Spa, the Ferrari Cavallino, Flagler’s, Brazilian Court Hotel, Miami and of course his favorite St. Ambrose. There were lots of beautiful gowns and fine wine. A sophisticated gentleman with excellent taste in clothes, manners and the best education and intellect. Never been married and no children. We seemed to be so evenly matched. But not wanting to get my heart broken, I said what I said.

A few months passed and this Coronavirus thing exploded. And as his businesses were forced down to a minimum (he provides luxury offices for people in Palm Beach, New Jersey and New York) my business was ramping up in the crisis. I was in high gear dealing with it all.

I ran into him the day after the nurse had taken my blood pressure and I wasn’t feeling well. He went out and bought the wrist blood pressure reader with an app for my phone and we started tracking it and you could clearly see, I had a problem. I had already been COVID tested and that wasn’t it. I have friends that find this really hard to wrap their brain around because I am so physically fit and only 50 with a good diet. Maybe if you see it, you’ll understand. Here’s some of the screenshots:

The next day got scarrier and that’s when I had to go to the Emergency Room and then spent a couple of days in the hospital.

After discovering that the irregular heartbeat was a problem, Nick bought the hand held EKG reader that would talk to the phone. With those two devices, he equipped me with more medical technology than a third world country.

When I was afraid to go sleep, because I almost died in the hospital when I went to sleep, Nick came down and slept next to me. If I cried out or moved a certain way, he was awake immediately wanting to know if I was alright.

He made an observation that my condo was too hot at night. “I’ll get up and turn it down for you.”

He was surprised I didn’t have a programmable thermostat. I told him, “I ran over budget on the electrical in the renovations so there were some items that came off the list.”

He said, “I’ll take care of it.”

The next day a wifi thermostat that talks to the phone arrived. You can adjust your thermostat and set schedules from the phone. This morning, the company Nick hired to install it installed it.

He’s really done a lot to help me and if he hadn’t cared enough to get me to use the reader, we wouldn’t have know the extent of the problem, and if I had stayed home, that might have been disastrous. He really saved me by gettng me to see I had a bigger problem.

There’s not enough words to say how you feel about someone who’s put so much effort into keeping me above ground.

Right now is not a safe time to go to restaurants for an experience. Friday night I want to make him an appreciation dinner for all that he’s done. I have a beautiful table with a lake and golf course view. He enjoys that room. I’m thinking about a salmon patty topped with a fried green tomato with bearnaise sauce and asparagus with bearnaise sauce. A nice bottle of prosecco and a delicious dessert.

I want him to know how much I appreciate everything he’s done and how important all this was to me. And I’m glad that he’s back for a second chance with us because I always thought we were good together.

Maybe it takes something like this for people to see what’s really important in life.

We decided to do a little experiment to see what would happen if I skipped the medication for five hours. I did and acted just like a ping pong ball that wasn’t controlled. I need that medicine in order to regulate my systems.

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First real signs of progress…

11 May

My numbers are starting to get a lot more acceptable as we track my blood pressure and heart. I think we’re on the right path. I’ve had a couple of days in a row that look good compare to the entire month’s readings. I’ve also felt better the last couple of days. We’re on the right track.

I am doing everything I can to bring the stress level down. It seems to be working.

————————

It was just a better day overall. I had a decent day working on projects.

I felt like cooking dinner again. I made brussel sprouts baked in french onion soup, mushrooms, garlic and parmesan cheese and then I made a chicken stir fry rice. I used very minimal sauce. I had a cup of Chamomile Lavender tea with Agave.

Nick stopped down to check on briefly. Then after dinner I went for a swim in the pool. I like swimming at night because I don’t have to use sunscreen and the mood is very relaxing. There’s no one around. It’s a pretty night view of the golf course, the lake and the lights in the Palm trees and around the cabana house. It’s one of my favorite things to do.

Then I come back and turn on the heat lamps with a hot shower. It’s all very relaxing.

They lifted the ban on pools on Monday and part of Palm Beach started reopening today.

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I don’t know what I would have done without him

10 May

When all this started Nick had brought down a blood pressure cuff that had an app on my phone that tracked and analyzed everything.

I already knew I had a problem but I didn’t understand the extent. I never would have known that I had that much of a problem with out Nick and that device. It was tracking 200’s for days. Before I went into the hospital, we had decided it would be ok if he came down. I had just passed a COVID-19 test and he’s very, very careful.

We sat at the dinning room and looked at all the numbers.

The whole time I was in the hospital, he checked on me. I passed another COVID-19 test in the hospital. And when I got out of the hospital and started to started to struggle, he stepped in. He ordered a medical grade EKG device that I could hold in the palm of my hand that talks to my phone. And when my numbers started plummeting at night and it was getting scary, he came down to sleep next to me and try to calm down the fear.

His stepping in made a huge difference this weekend. The numbers are starting to look like we are making progress with the medication. I can’t even begin to tell you how grateful I am to him. I think we’ve known each other 3 years now. I’ve always had a thing for Nick but I can tell you my heart is way beyond “thing” for Nick after everything he’s done.

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It’s not easy. I try to make it look easy, but it’s just not.

07 May

I have moments I want to throw up. I have moments where I get dizzy. I have moments where I get a screaming headache. The mood doesn’t control the blood pressure. The blood pressure controls the mood. It can go high and suddenly I am wired and I am fighting it.

The today out of nowhere I feel like my heart is going to pop out of my chest it is beating so fast. So I hook up the reader and now it’s recording irregular heart beat all day.

It’s frustrating when you’re having a hard time getting control over this. It’s not what I’m doing, it’s not what I’m eating that’s causing any of this.

I’m working a full day through all of it. I just keep plowing through. It’s challenging. Our hope is that this is going to level off in a few weeks and it takes a few weeks for the 3 medicines to really work.

And I am anxious to get the IV med out of my veins that they put in because it’s horrifying over what each medicine is actually designed to do. They explained none of this to me when they gave it me. Patients have rights and one of those is a right to know what you injected into me. They threw every right out the window. I have such a distrust for them now. This was not a good experience. They were poor communicators who treated me like I had no rights.

It’s a little difficult for me when I have to celebrate the health care works online and in social media for their work with COVID-19 (I post this stuff all day long for a client) and yet you damn near killed me. And they did not listen to what the patient is saying and it was important.

It’s not an easy thing to let go of when i have to continue to deal with this.

I am looking forward to the day when this calms down. I don’t need this kind of challenge. I hate feeling unsuccessful and I feel unsuccessful at this right now.

I am hoping I feel more successful at a large scale email marketing campaign that I am running for a client for the next month. I spent today building it out.

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It’s shocking. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.

06 May

I did go in for the appointment with my doctor who had obtained all the records so we could make sense out of what happened and what is going on.

Her four years of medical records on me clearly show that I did not have a single health issue that would have lead someone to think that this would happen. Good diet. Good exercise. No issues.

The evidence provided by the hospital clearly shows that what caused the crisis was the combination of drugs that the ER doctor ordered. He admits it and he defends it because I was in hypertensive crisis when I arrived.

They clearly see by looking at all the readings that have been taken every day, that I have a problem, but they do not know what’s causing it, even after all the tests. They did not test for the blood clot. They can’t find anything and things like this don’t just happen. And the blood pressure remains volatile. The last two nights it’s dropped way lowered than normal and then to the extreme during the day. Stuff like this does not just happen. It’s a roller coaster.

I am sleeping with a medical alarm within reach because I had less than 2 seconds in the hospital before I wasn’t capable of doing anything. When it goes low, it’s very dangerous.

So I am on the most high powered blood pressure medicine they make. We are using 3 during the day. This either has to get better, or the cause is eventually going to show up.

I was COVID tested twice and both are negative. My symptoms do not match that disease.

I was never afraid to go to sleep at night before. Fear was not exactly part of my makeup. But I can tell you that death is not a peaceful thing. I wasn’t under any sedation. When my body started shutting down, it wasn’t exactly what I thought would happen. It’s not peaceful, it’s a fight. And everything starts to close in.

This is the best I can do with what I’ve got right now. There’s where I’m at with it. There are residual issues from what happened in the hospital that I hope will go away with time. I don’t know what to say. It was a traumatic experience. I’m trying to move past it. I wish we had more answers and I wish I knew what comes next.

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Dealing with the roller coaster…

05 May

Because they are using medication to try to regulate my blood pressure, it’s creating a roller coaster. I’ll go from high in the day to a low at night.

The low blood pressure at night is what is particularly dangerous for me. You wake up feeling dizzy, you’ve got the shakes, you feel sick to your stomach. They told me after an event like this that I would have some anxiety and that’s normal.

I am really hoping that this evens out soon.

I have a doctor’s appointment today to talk about all this.

I am making a concerted effort to stand up and take a few minutes to walk around so that we won’t have problems with my legs from sitting at a computer for too long. I’ve spent my life in front of a computer and it caught up with me.

Anyone who works in the computer industry should make a point to get up and take breaks. If you don’t, you have no idea how much you are endangering your health.

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I think the original problem is a blood clot

03 May

I’m laying in bed today because I have sore spot on the back of my right calve. This is the region that went crazy with with I thought was a Charley Horse at 1 a.m. in the hospital. I now think that was a blood clot. I feel something small, like half a pea size in the vein.

I started felling nausea last night. So I’m going to be safe and hang out in bed today.

RA causes blood clots, which can cause heart attacks. They tend to happen more to people who sit all day. I work on a computer all day. I am definitely going to start to get up and take more breaks and move my legs during the day.

This is all frustrating for me. It’s not how I want to spend my weekend. But it is what it is.

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How am I doing?

01 May

A little better today than yesterday. I did however, work both days.

I’m learning to deal with life post heart attack. I’m tired but I think that will go away in time. It’s a priority right now for me to get enough sleep.

I have to monitor the BP all day and now there’s 3 different kinds of meds for the day. I have to watch that I don’t over exert myself. I did walk this evening with a friend, just in case.

Obviously, there are changes that come to your life after this. Right now it’s my goal not to be the one in five people who have a second heart attack in the first five years. I have a friend who’s mother had a heart attack at 50 and she didn’t have her second until 83. That would be more my goal, I think.

At any rate, it’s coming along. I’m going to take this slow and steady but back to a normal life. I wish right now I had a housekeeper and a cook.

I talked to someone who really knows this stuff. They asked, “What time did you have the heart attack?”

“3 a.m.”

“Oh you were right on time, most heart attacks happen between 2 and 4 am.”

I had gone into the hospital at 4 pm.

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I’m home now…

28 Apr

The fiasco that happened the other night in the hospital was because the blood pressure medicine they gave me was too much. It dropped it all the way and created a bad situation.

I wanted to come home. We were doing tests and then having to repeat tests because I had fallen when that happened. Everything looked stabilized and I was getting an infection from the number of times they went into my arm. I’ll do better at home and it’s time for pill medication anyways.

They gave me a portal where to access my records. I logged in and see that they listed the diagnosis as Acute Coronary Syndrome (ACS), more commonly known as a heart attack.

There were no signs of blockage. That’s the update.

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